The Peevery

I'm not your mom!

My husband sleeps on the couch because he claims that our ancient mattresses hurt his back.  (I can believe this as I wake up feeling like I'm one foot in the grave every morning.)  So I have to be his alarm. 

I get up at 4:30. And 4:40 and 4:50 and 5:00 and eventually I quit.  Then he gets mad because he's late to work.  PLUS I have to find him clothes.  Wait, was I talking about my husband or one of my kids...???  Oh, bother.

-Christy

Reach out and touch THIS.

(submitted by Blaugra's husband, who speaks in all-caps, always.)

DEAR VERIZON:

PLEASE DON'T TEXT MY WIFE'S CELL PHONE TO TELL ME THAT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HOUSE PHONE WHEN YOU KNOW I CAN'T CALL YOU TO TELL YOU TO "SUCK IT."

SINCERELY,

SALTY D., A.K.A. HUSBAND OF BLAUGRA

 

A Plethora of Peeves

NursePez was awesome enough to send in these peeves:

So, computer software update took place over the weekend.  Monday all teams are a go with the new system.  This particular Monday all teams are present.  Chaos, as you can imagine, ensues.  No one was trained beforehand, the system has many glitches that slow us down, and the patients are waiting obscene amounts of time to be seen.  I keep thinking, it is going to be ok, because I received an email that said we would be scheduling light to make sure we don't fall too far behind.  So, I look at my schedule.  22 people are scheduled. TWENTY TWO.  That is a lot for me.  I ask about the "light schedule" and I am told, I was supposed to contact my assistant or the front staff and direct them to schedule me light.  Now, I ask you good people: If you know a software update is going to be glitchy, and this is going to take affect on a Monday, one of the busiest days of the week in a medical office, and an email is sent saying we will schedule light; why is it that I have to personally invite the staff to ensure the schedule stays light?  This seems like a no-brainer to me.  And a source of the peeve.

 It's Just A Game, Yo.

The annual BGSU/UT football game is coming up. In the past, this has always occurred on the day after Thanksgiving. Which made little sense to me, since the students were home on break and the only people who attend are the townies or alumni that live in BG.  UT is our biggest rival.  This year, the game occurs in October and coincides with Homecoming.  Huzzaah!  Every year for homecoming a big group tailgates.  This year, even more people want to tailgate because of the BG/UT game being on homecoming.  A group is gathered, tickets are bought.  I convey this to my spouse, who flips out because so many people who don't really care about football are going.  "Where are they the rest of the year?"  To me, games are more fun if lots of people go. This is not the NFL.  We are a MAC school. This is fun!  It's just a game!  Have a beer and settle. Go team go.

 Quarter, Anyone?

If a person wants to make a decision that is bad, and everyone tells this person it is bad, and this person then goes on the make this bad decision, what do you do when the person then complains non-stop about their bad decision? Saying things like "nobody warned me" or, "I wish I knew".  Please. 

Big TIme

My son likes the band Big Time Rush.  I feel guilty about not minding this music when he plays it and sings at the top of his lungs. It is rather catchy.  Oh man, what is wrong with me?

Reader Peeves: Gestation Edition

SquiggleJay has a peeve:

I have been told by everyone (my doctor, friends, magazines, the internet, etc.) that deli sandwiches are off limits now that I'm expecting. I assumed listeria was very common and dutifully avoided my beloved Subway chicken salad on 9-grain, though I've been craving it for weeks. When I mentioned this to my sister, she assured me the "ban" applied only to fresh sliced deli meats and that prepackaged meats (which are what Subway uses) are perfectly safe. Just to be safe I checked the center for disease control website, where I discovered that there are around 2500 cases of listeriosis reported annually in the US. That's twenty-five HUNDRED. Out of 310 MILLION. That makes my odds of contracting this disease roughly 1 in 124,000. Why does everyone treat this as some kind of epidemic? Your odds of getting into a car accident are better than 1 in 150 (according to another .gov website), yet nobody's telling pregnant women to avoid riding in cars! And don't give me that "better safe than sorry" bullshit. I can't live in a plastic bubble freaking out over every minuscule hypothetical risk or I'd seriously never get off my couch. Call me a bad mom if you want -- I'm eating the goddamn sandwich.

Reader Peeves: Milkshake Edition

Jamie has a peeve, which she suggested I put in "Boobs" category that, sadly, doesn't exist.

Drop it like it's hot. Or not.

It has been almost three years since I've breastfed a child. Yet every now and then, I get that phantom tingling sensation that normally means milk is coming in and you're "letting down." Funny that there is no milk there. I'm pretty sure I'm actually feeling my boobs fall. I'd really prefer not to "let" them get any further "down" than they are.

Reader Peeve: On Your Ass Edition

Jamie has a peeve:

A Real Pain in the Ass

While partaking in our weekend clean fest -- which included varying tasks such as toilets, floors, dusting, etc. -- I asked my husband to take the Pledge and towel and finish dusting downstairs. As I finished the upstairs duties, I came galloping down the stairs at a rather fast rate, wearing my slippers, to step one foot off the last stair and onto the wood floor, and completely slip and eat shit.  Apparently, my husband thought he could clean the floors with the pledge as well, and that he was knocking off a task with his quick thinking ways. We are on day 3, and each one of us have fallen on our ass at least twice, with no signs of the floor status improving.

As a reminder, you don't need to work (Ha! I don't pay anyone.) here to post here. If you have a peeve, send it to me at peevedmichelle at yahoo dot com. I want all your peeves.