The Peevery

I Made It

I kept my shit together through a month of escrow, a few weeks of hellish events surrounding the move, all happening during the final weeks of a tough MBA class, and (hopefully) anomalous workplace shenanigans. Fuck, I'm tired. And, have sympathy for the poor soul who fucks with me next. My well of patience is bone dry.

Just Leave A Message

I may be alone in this, but I really wish recruiters would just leave the message that I didn't get the job on my voicemail.  They could just say, "Hi, This is Jane calling from XYZ company, while your resume was impressive we've decided to hire another candidate.  Good luck in your job search."  It would be so much easier to get that voicemail than the one where they just say "call me back" which I tend to believe means they want me.  (This goes double if they call both my phone numbers and leave messages on both home and cell phones.)

Ingrates!

In my line of work (giving money) I'm often asked for advice. I know that half of the time these requests for advice are thinly veiled requests for money. But I don't really care why they're asking. I always give it. The advice, not the money.

In return, I'd like at least a "thank you."  When I spend a few hours listening to someone, and then giving her or him names of connections and leads and ideas so that they can raise funds for their project or get a new job, I would especially like a brief email saying "thank you." Even better would be an email telling me the results they got from following the advice they asked me to give them.  

I know I sound like a mother complaining, "You could at least call me!," but seriously, it's poor form and really pisses me off.  

Two Days

I just have to keep my shit together for two more days until my class is over and everything in my life magically falls back into place.

The Bronx is Up and The Battery's Down

I am in NY and all the TV stations are carrying on as though this snow storm is the biggest event ever.  Sheesh.

Plus, many flights are cancelled and if I am stuck here over the week end I will have to either wash some clothes or buy some new ones.  I don't really care too much about that but I'd rather not go to work all next week wearing the same sport coat and shoes I wore this whole past week.  I didn't bring an overcoat, figuring that I would only be at work or in bed.

Don't Think I Won't

To the next driver who decides they'd like to pull out in front of me when there is absolutely no one behind me - be prepared to have the front-end of my Saturn up your anus.

Food Injury

I had the most delicious Vietnamese style sandwich for lunch yesterday but the baguette it was made with was so crusty that it cut up the roof of my mouth. I thoroughly enjoyed the sandwich but now I am sad that my mouth hurts.

Overheard in the Nail Salon

I have had a professional manicure exactly 3 times in my life.  I have pretty decent nails and don't mind the au naturale look.  I am lazy though and have gone to get them to cut my nails because it's such a chore.

I am uncomfortable with the conversations in a foreign language that take place amongst the employees.  I always feel that they are  mocking me in some way.  Paranoid, I know.

This is a conversation I heard today while getting my nails cut and a French manicure:

Girl 1: Young voy she she boing few yaya.

Girl 2: Heehee, yaya doink pew bah humbug.

Girl 1: Yaya, hiya Kardashian la turnkey tonka truck.

Girl 2: Oooh, fa rah rah rah rah.

I'm pretty sure that they think I look like Kim.

Learned it the Hard Way

Apparently I can't blog using Typepad in Google Chrome.

I have to switch my browser back to Explorer, otherwise the post won't publish or even save to draft.

Either that, or I'm a big fathead dummy.

Confused

The entire health care debate makes me so livid, I can barely stand it.

You Are Stupid

It was maybe three years ago that you accused me of having an affair with your husband (I wasn't. Well, maybe emotionally I was. And by emotionally, I mean we flirted, and he tried to get me to meet him for sex, but I never did. Anyway.)

I know for a fact that barely 18 months ago he was having an affair with a TWENTY-ONE YEAR OLD who he said he'd marry "tomorrow" if he could, and that he was a self-proclaimed nymphomaniac. 

So, now, tell me why you're pregnant with your second kid by this man?

Dry Like the Sonora

I am parched.

I could drink a gallon of water right now. 

But I would find the constant pee breaks annoying. 

Fuhgeddaboudit Already!

It has taken 5 people approximately 10 days (and counting) to determine where we will gather for dad's birthday celebration this weekend:

• Sister has a cancer-stricken dog and doesn't want to bring him to mom & dad's

• If the location is, indeed, mom & dad's, then brother-in-law will stay at home with sick dog and miss the gathering

• Mom, in winter, "is unwilling to state she will be somewhere" at any given time, so that puts a wrench in the "go to sister's house so BIL can join in" idea

• Dad doesn't want to celebrate his birthday at all and thinks "us kids" would have a better time without him, so that's another wrench in the "go to sister's house" idea

• Sister & BIL didn't clean their house this weekend, so that's another wrench in the "go to sister's house" idea

Sister & I decided yesterday we would all convene at mom & dad's house and say fuck the dog and the BIL, but I don't know that mom & dad are aware of this change.

I just want someone to tell me when and where to show up. JFC.

FAIL

My library has a nifty website where you can check whether you have fines to pay, books coming due, interlibrary loans arrived, etc etc.

This site would be all the more awesome if it actually WORKED. It used to require the "www" in front (I know, retarded) and then it would work, but now it doesn't even come up with that. I continuously get timed out errors, which is a pain in the ass b/c it means I will have to physically go there tonight to renew my books or have another fine to pay.

Malibu

The middle one-third of my commute is unbelievably gorgeous. Some days I am reminded of that in a way that makes me realize I take it for granted too much of the time. Unfortunately, that middle one-third is sandwiched between 35 miles of frustrating traffic.

I'm back. I think.

I lost my mind a few months ago, in mid-December.  I think it's come back.  Welcome, brain!

By the way, turning 40 SUCKS and so does this long-ass winter.

This Looks Unlucky

I like frosting possibly more than the next person, but this looks disgusting:

Peeves of Yore: Fridays Don't Equal Fish Edition

This was going to be a look down Lenten Lane, but apparently only Peeved Michelle peeves about Lent. She's not even Catholic. Then I was going to expand this to a religious peeve post, but that barely widened the door.

So instead, we'll do the traditional thing and look back on this week in Peevery history:

Amy didn't get the memo that you don't have to shave during winter months.

I'm actually glad I found this post b/c I had forgotten that this peeing-all-the-time has been going on for a while and was worried I had a UTI. Good to know it's just business as usual.

Hazel got a little angry in this gem. How's the pain these days, and did I tell you about the time I climbed Mt. Everest with a bleeding torn pinched scrunched misplaced disc?

Peeved Michelle has been claiming she's going to leave the country for years. Last I heard it was Bora Bora. Maybe next year it will be Kyrgyzstan.

Jen had a rough week this time of year a couple years ago. Seems to be a pattern. A shitty pattern.

Joanne's post makes me sad, but mostly for its use of "fella."

This Kind of Shit is Why I Call Them the Evil Empire

Last year I built a beautiful brochure using Microsoft's Publisher.  This year I try to open it to do my edits and find I cannot.  It will not open.  I can open it on my coworker's computer but not mine because I have the Adobe conversion add-on.  I contact my campus helpdesk and eventually they decide the document is corrupted.  How did it get corrupted?  I only took it out to play once every few months.  How could it have fallen in with a bad crowd so easily?  So I followed our helpdesk's instructions and cut and pasted it into a new document which I now have the challenge of reformatting.  What should have been an easy update has turned into a huge pain in my ass.  Kind of the way everything is with them. 

The Stupidity, It Pains Me

I am taking over a process from a coworker who is thankfully doing a different role now, b/c he has proven himself incompetent for his current duties.

He gave me "documentation" on his repeated monthly process. That documentation included 11 vague steps, of which I had questions on 9 of them. Based on his answers, I will be combining two of the steps and questioning someone else on a 3rd.

I will also be rewriting his entire documentation document and correcting the formatting.

I know he's worried about keeping his job but frankly, I think he should be.

It's Caught In My Nose Hairs

I went to my son's awards ceremony at school today, and behind me sat a woman with her toddler. Said toddler had obviously taken a big dump in her diaper, and of course, chose to run by me during the entire ceremony, thus turning me into a mouth breather for 45 minutes. Now that I'm home, I can't get that toddler shit smell out of my nose.

BlogHer '10 Planning

It's never too early to start planning. That is my motto. Not really, but I do think that occasionally, when I feel like it.

BlogHer '10 is in New York City, August 6-7.

Who is Going

Last year, Joanne, Jen14221, Blaugra and I all attended the conference. Kate the Peon met up with us while we there since she lived close by. We had a blast. It was great to see Katey and Joanne again, and to meet Jen and Laura for the first time.

This year, I know that Joanne, Jen14221, Blaugra and I are planning to go for sure. I think Red said he might go. Peevery readers, Leah (Daily Piglet) and Tammie are also planning to go. Is anyone else planning to go?

Peevery Tees

I am going to do awesome Peevery t-shirts this year. They will be embroidered or screenprinted depending on who will charge me less, my MIL or my friend from high school. If you are going and if you want to have a Peevery t-shirt, I will be asking you to send me your own black t-shirt and I will take care of the rest. This applies to Peevers and Peevery readers, as well.

Tickets

Early bird pricing ends this month, so if you are planning on going, you'll want to buy your ticket now. Last year, there were lots of people who wanted to buy tickets after they were sold out so, if you are thinking you might want to go, you might want to buy your ticket now and sell it later if you change your mind. BlogHer even facilitates the re-sale.

Word.

I'm in the midst of a WebEx presentation about how performance reviews will be conducted and uploaded this year. The good thing is that I am in a conference room with my peers and we are on mute and able to express our random weird questions and frustrations to each other with our trademark sarcasm.

One of the peeves from this meeting is that we were just told our normal Word document is being replaced by an online system. Great, except for the fact that some of the information will be sent to me in a Word document and I will have to cut and paste from it to the online system.

2003, here we come!

Lenten Reflection

The biggest cheeseburger craving in the whole world always strikes me on Ash Wednesday. 

I Resent That

We interviewed one candidate for the role of my new boss today.  There was something about her I didn't really like.  My coworker said to me "Joanne, no offense, but you won't like anyone they hire for this role."  That pisses me off.  I can be professional and make a decision independent of my specific feelings for my situation.  I did the last time this situation came up (ok it wasn't quite quite THIS situation).  I kind of resent the implication that I can't.

It Can't Be Said Enough

I hate flash!  I should be able to hit enter and execute a search and not have to click on "search."

#FML

I never use the acronym FML or use the #FML hashtag on Twitter (it stands for Fuck My Life) because I have a pretty good life, even if things aren't going very well, but god damn this last month has been trying.

Too Sticky

Usually when making muffins I use the foil muffin liners.  On Sunday when I made them I was at a friend's house and used her paper liners.  Fast forward to today when I was trying to take the paper off the muffins and leaving 1/2 of it stuck to the muffin.  Stupid gluten-free muffins.

To Don't

It's pretty hard to get shit done when you leave your work organizer, which is primarily composed of a giant To Do list, at home for a fucking week.

Step Away From the Bedazzler

Do male figure skaters really have to wear deep V-neck outfits with sparkles galore? I suppose they're secure in their masculinity, but sometimes I think they might have lost a bet and have to look flamboyantly sparkly.

Dumb Shit Heard on NBC during Olympics

Last night, the medal ceremony for the men's moguls was on tv.

Alexandre Bilodeau, a Quebec native, won the first gold medal for Canada on Canadian soil. I'm telling you this in case you live under a rock. It's a big deal. Taking the silver was some Aussie tool who actually grew up in Vancouver, and the bronze was a U.S. American from Montana.

I heard the announcer say (was it Bob Costas? probably,) as Bilodeau took his gold position on the medal stand, "And we're about to hear the national anthem. Uhhhhh...not the Star-Spangled Banner. We'll hear O Canada. Because Bilodeau is CANADIAN."  

Was the announcer that fucking stupid, or did he think the American public is that fucking stupid?

Just One at a Time, Please

Individually wrapped prunes.

Bulleted peeve list about individually wrapped prunes:

• Don't try to tell me these are "dried plums." I know they are prunes.
• Children will still not think prunes are "nature's candy." They will be ridiculed if you put them in their lunchboxes.
• Am I going to throw a handful of individually wrapped prunes in my bag?
• Will one prune make me farty?
• Does the environment really need us to wrap each prune individually?
• Will old people eat individually wrapped prunes during movie matinees, causing even more crinkling-wrapper sounds during hot sex scenes? Will they need to make a choice between either a butterscotch lozenge or a prune in a movie theatre?

Clueless In Vancouver

I watched the Winter Olympic opening ceremonies Friday night, and the thing I remember the most is NOT the technical glitch during the raising of the cauldron.  I mostly remember wanting to scream at Bob Costas to shut the fuck up.  I do not need every goddam action narrated like it's the most deeply moving event that ever crossed my TV screen.

The network in charge of the next Olympic Games should have a channel that simple presents the sound and video, with no announcers.  I'd pay for that.

That's Just Creepy

In the middle of a lengthy workout yesterday I was running fairly hard and passed a guy who gave me a wave and a "looking good" type comment.  In response I gave a thumbs up and said, "You too," even though that wasn't the case, but I figured it's helpful to share encouragements.

Later, about halfway through the workout, I stopped for a pit stop in the park's men's room.  Apparently that thumbs up qualifies me for membership in the Senator Larry Craig Lonely Bros Club. 

Stupid

I'm stupid, and so is Valentine's Day.

Pace Billy Mays

I thought the Oxy Clean powder would be good to try out on my workout clothes to help remove/reduce the funk, so I have been using it for the past several weeks.

The problem is that once I have jogged about one mile, my whole torso starts itching like crazy.  I wind up scratching like a monkey for the next mile or two, and I think the Oxy Clean is to blame since I never had this happen before.

I think I will go back to baking soda.

My ears are bleeding

This opera singer singing the Olympic anthem is fucking killing me. It's quite possibly the most painful thing I've ever listened to.

Coupons

I hate when coupons are "Buy 3 and save 75 cents!". Why can't I just buy one and save 25 cents? I don't need 3 tubs of margarine.

That's SO descriptive

My husband was leaving out of LAX this morning. He texted me that he had a celeb sighting, so I asked who it was. His response? "Some girl from some movie. Sheks on my plane with her 4-month-old boy." Any guesses as to who it is? He added that she has curly blonde hair.

Am I "Makeing" Too Much Out of It?

I get it, not everyone is a good speller. But seriously, a Facebook friend will put stuff like,"I'm TAKEING the kids to practice," or "MAKEING bread for supper." I wonder why none of her close friends point out she looks like stupid and explain that she needs to drop the "e."

Why is the Fed Gov't So Backwards?

I'm trying to help one of my people sign up for Medicare part B.  She tried the phone herself first.  It is one of those voice responders where you say everything and her thick accent meant she got told "I'm sorry I don't understand you, please repeat..." over and over.  I go online to find forms to enroll in Medicare and they are not there.  Wouldn't it be so much easier on everyone if the forms were online and easy to find? 

I Didn't Get the Memo

You know, the one where it says it's now appropriate to paint your fingers in the work bathroom? Cuz some random chic apparently got that message, and I'd like to know what planet she's on.

NOW The Heat Works

It has been freezing in our new office for the past week and a half.  I've been wearing my office sweater over a regular sweater every day.  Today, I decided to be WARM and wore my fancy wool verywarm sweater over a long-sleeved t-shirt.  It's sweltering. I'm down to just the long sleeved t.  Not such a professional look.

Biggest Peeve Ever

Nancy Grace.

"Easy" Button My Ass

For Christmas my mom gave me a laptop.  She bought one type of warranty for it but I prefer the fancier 'doingsomethingdumb' warranty.  Upgrading this warranty apparently called for multi level steps.

1. Call 800 number on warranty information.
        a. Enter in my info. 
        b. Have no idea what my contract # is so keep pressing 0
        c. There is no issue this is not a previously called about problem. 
        d. Keep pressing 0
        e. Eventually get a real person
2. Re-register product because apparently online product registration didn't take.
3. Explain all I want is a warranty upgrade. 
        a. Get told I can do it online
4. Go online
        a. Can't find info do a search
        b. End up on Customer Service Chat
        c. Answer same questions about product registration
        d. She can't do it for me I have to do it online
        e. Ask where
        d. She gives me link back to number I called in the first place
5. Repeat steps 1, 2 and 3 with marked difference - told can't do it online must go to store
6. Give up in a huff

Slip Sliding Away

I am wearing a pair of ankle socks that keep slipping off my heels and halfway down my feet whenever I walk. It is making me crazy. I would take my socks off but my shoes are pretty uncomfortable without socks. I feel like I'm in grade school again.

Sloooooow Talker

I'm convinced I'm the only person who's ever watched Shear Genius on Bravo. The first two seasons were hosted by Jaclyn Smith, who was as dull as a butter knife.

I was surprised with last week's premiere when they showed Camila Alves as the new host. (Apparently she is a model, but most people would know her as Matthew McConaughey's babies mama.)

It's obvious English is not her first language, which is fine, but she talks so painstakingly slow I find myself finishing her sentences in my head before she can form the words. It also doesn't help she sounds like she's got Matthew's wetsuit stuffed in her mouth either.

She Works Hard For the Money

Today I sent an e-mail with a form to someone for her signature. She sent me a message saying that the formatting of the page was weird, and printing out on three pages, and would it be okay to shrink the font. I replied that's fine, whatever's easiest.

She sent me an e-mail asking if I could reformat the thing and send back to her to print out because she was so slammed with work.

Really?

I am no IT guy, but I know that it takes less time to click Page Setup and Fit to One Page than it does to send someone else an e-mail asking him to do it.

But maybe I am missing something.  Sheesh.

Sometimes I Hate Myself

I have a lot of things I should do tonight (dishes, more dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping for dad's bday present, shopping for bf's Valentine's present, taxes, etc) but I won't do any of them.

Instead, I went to the gym, I ate a healthy dinner, and I will probably sit on my ass for the rest of the night playing Bejeweled.

Bait and Switch

I was at my local city's parks website recently looking into booking a room for use for a meeting.  According to the website it is only $10/hr for non-profits and $30/hr for everyone else.  I call to make my appointment and get told "Oh, no, that information is wrong.  We've been trying to get them to change that for months.  It is $30 for everyone now."  Well, there goes that idea.  I'm not paying $60 for 2 hours* plus a $20 non-refundable fee for my Girl Scout meeting.  My troop doesn't have that kind of money and even if we did there are much better things for us to squander it on. 

I did email the city to let them know I was dismayed about this change in policy and the subsequent incorrect information on their website.  Given that all of their flyers and what not says "Check us out on the web!" it should at least be correct.

*Minimum 2 hour booking no matter what.