Cafe Douche

A couple of us Peevers had an annoying restaurant experience on our recent weekend getaway. Some of us Yelped it, some of us Tweeted it, and I sent the restaurant an email. Below is the diplomatic message I sent to them, followed by my translation.

Dear Cafe Douche,
 
I hope you have weathered the ice storms well. I was fortunate to visit your fair city during nice winter weather, and my friends and I enjoyed dinner at the Cafe. The food and drinks were delicious. However, I just checked with my credit card company and my account was not charged for my bill which was split among my party.
 
Since I signed the receipt and the agreement for payment wasn't followed I am very concerned. What you did, erroneously, was charge one member of my party for the entire bill. This amount was debited from her checking account. This isn't the amount she agreed to pay either. Imagine the problems this is causing for us! 

I am not sure how to remedy this situation. I believe you have been contacted by phone about this confusion.  Thank you for addressing it.

Translation:

Dear Cafe Douche:

So what, you had an ice storm, get over it. Why aren't you open? I was there about two weeks ago. The food and drink were good but the service sucked. And you screwed up the bill.

I'm pissed off because you screwed up the bill. You're idiots. You could have caused a lot of problems for my new friend.

This isn't the way to manage a business. I will not be ignored. Are your phone lines down, too?  Thank you for fucking off.