You Ought to Know

Dear Doctor's Office,

I have been your patient for nearly eight years now.  When I call you to make an appointment, and you ask me when my last lady-period was, I should not have to remind you that two years ago your office removed the equipment that regulates such functions.  Naturally, this also absolves me from that delightful Pap procedure, so you may delete the huge "OVERDUE" notice from my paperwork.

Love,

Barren Crone