The Peevery

What's that noise in the background?

If you are going to take a cell phone call in the bathroom, you should know that I am going to try harder to fart it up real good in there.

I Hope It's In My Mental File

I can't find my address book. I don't need an address right now, I wanted to add two people to it.

I guess I won't be addressing my Christmas cards anytime soon.

Sons of Anarchy you might be dead to me.

Peeved Michelle has a peeve about people ripping up checks as part of some "noble" belief or cause.  Gray's Anatomy is dead to her because of this.  For me my biggest TV peeve is about health insurance and how it works within the medical community.  Last night on Sons of Anarchy one of the bikers was injured in a motorcycle accident.  An ambulance took him to the hospital.  The bitch faced admitting nurse wouldn't take him because their hospital doesn't take that insurance.  In all my years in benefits I know it doesn't work that way in emergency situations.  There is usually some coverage for emergency room visits for that specific reason.  You can't be in an ambulance and say "Blue Cross hospital only please."  The ambulance takes you where it needs to go.  Also, I can't imagine it is within the physician's creed to turn away a patient in the emergency room just because the hospital doesn't take the insurance. 

Sons of Anarchy you may be dead to me.  (Also this is the same reason I can't watch Leverage.  I wanted to but the premiere was all about how the guy's kid died due to insurance and I was done with it.)

It's not like she's a pit bull.

I am looking at houses and condos for rent. (See comments for boring details about my life.) Why do landlords think that dogs under 25 lbs are going to less destructive than larger dogs? My dog weighs 55 lbs. She is the sweetest, calmest dog and I guarantee she would do less damage to a place than some squirrely chihuahua would, but the fact that she weighs over 25 lbs, cuts our rental options in half.

Obviously, it's not me.

Everyone at work is a stupid fucktard.

Damn Endorphins

I've never been to a gym. I prefer to work out by myself, in the comfort of my own garage. I figured out why today.

As stress leaves my brain and body, the endorphins kick in, and whatever song I'm listening to at that moment either leaves me in tears or looking like a crazy person, fist pumping and all.

I also figure any fellow gym-goers would not like hearing the top-of-my-lungs rendition of "I Will Always Love You."

Inappropriate

As much as I like the radio station I listen to, I'm fairly certain that Nine Inch Nails' Closer should not be on their playlist.  The words "I wanna @#$% you like an animal, I wanna feel you from the inside" make up the chorus.  I'm pretty sure even a 2 year old can figure out the bleeped word. 

Related, I have a Spice Girls/NIN mix of this song with Wannabe and that is pretty funny shit.

Master of the Obvious: Car Maintenance Edition

I was testing out an app at work that tells you stuff about your car.* (This is where I out myself as to my day job.) I entered the info for my old car and this is one of the things Nissan had to say about servicing the electrical system: THE 12 VOLT BATTERY IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE VEHICLE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM AND IS REQUIRED TO STAY CONNECTED WHEN THE ENGINE IS RUNNING.

I am fairly alarmed that Nissan felt they needed to remind mechanics about this.

*Don't comment on how dated those pages are; that's what I am working on.

I'd like to be called Yanni now.

I just got a Linked In email from a former coworker announcing that she has changed her name from Brenda Murdock* to Brenda Joye upon the launch of her self-published book about some sort of New Age gobbledygook. (It has afforded her the opportunity to be on "numerous radio and podcast interview shows!") But that is not the worst part of the email. The worst part of the email is that she started writing it in the first person, with a bunch of "follow my journey into the light,"** and switched to writing it in the third person about halfway through, with a bunch of "her life coaching business" and "her appearance as blahblahblah guru."

What the holy hell is that about?

*Fake, of course.

**Paraphrased, slightly.

You Know, the One With the Red Cover...

Back when I used to work for a bookstore people would come in wanting help finding a book with the vaguest of explanations about the book.  Usually it would go something like this, "I'm looking for that book, by that best selling author, you know, the one who writes about women and it has a blue cover."  And I, the bookseller, would want to cry at the vagueness of it all and yet, after awhile it became almost a sixth sense and we could translate the vague into "Oh you mean the latest Oprah book, Deep End of the Ocean.  Yes we have that and it is right here."  (or something like that.) 

I'm currently experiencing that vagueness.  There's a book I'd like to reread from my youth.  A teenager and her best friend (a guy) run away.  They get in a car accident.  He dies.  His name is Bradley.  They jump back and forth in the story between her running away and what lead to that and her picking up the pieces of her life.  Unlike The Vandals of Treason House, Google has not helped me.  Any of you readers (or YA teachers) have any idea? 

Update: Amy, who is clearly awesome, advised me about Loganberry Books' website which offers a "stump the bookseller" section.  I didn't even have to post my vague book description as I just did a search for the word "Bradley" and apparently my book title was a response to someone else's query.  For the record I was looking for The Summer Before by Patricia Windsor.  Thanks to Amazon.com I will own that book for the low low price of $.01 plus $3.99 shipping & handling. 

Williamson Management Can Suck It

The next-door-run-by-the-same-association condo neighborhood has a clubhouse for rent. For two weeks now, the parties there on Saturday night have been so loud that I can hear the bass groove from inside my home, one block away and across the street. This is fucking ridiculous.

When I looked them up online to (probably futilely) complain, I found that my condo association does have an auto-pay feature for our monthly association dues. I've lived here for over two years and never knew that and have even written that plea on the back of the statements I pay each month via snail mail. While I was initially pissed that I didn't know this and could have avoided the $15/month late surcharge for the months that I'm late, realizing they have a $9.95 surcharge for each transaction made me want to find incognito ways to fuck 'em up. 

Blood On The Driveway

I just spent 3 hours replacing the windshield wiper motor on my Ford Windstar.  The last hour was in the dark, and a lot if it was in the rain.  In order to get to the wiper motor, I had to remove a couple giant plastic shrouds that were held in place by approximately 3,523 bolts.  I cut my finger wide open on something in the engine compartment, and bled all over the damned place.  Once I got everything put back together under the hood, I realized I had forgotten to plug the power and control wires into the wiper motor and had to take it all apart and put it back together again.   I did all this, and then realized that I had left the damned ignition on for half the day, so I had to jump-start the thing because the battery was dead.

After all of that it turns out I probably installed something backwards, cause the fucking wipers still don't work.  I can't wait to do this again tomorrow!

Peeves of Yore: C-c-c-hanges Edition

A few of us are going through some major changes, what with new kids, new body shapes, and potentially new jobs. Here are some other changes throughout the years:

The Peeved Mistress's reign had not yet been recognized way back here.

Hazel tried to order Mother Nature around. I bet I know how that ended.

Nikki had a passionate crisis of identity.

Joanne resisted changing things up with a fury. 

Blaugra realized the old "the hell with the environment" mentality has its perks.

The Unknown Peever wanted to change how long someone took to announce a change.

And the reason we're all here announced a brand-new change: Welcome, Erin!

De-Creased

I picked up my suit from the dry cleaner yesterday to discover that instead of folding the pants in such a way they would still have the nice crease down the front of the legs, they actually just folded them in half at the waist.  I am not that thrilled about that. (But because I'm a pansy I didn't complain.)

A New Peever Amongst Us

So, this is a little belated. Please give Erin a nice welcome as she joins the Peevery as a full-time Peever. Erin had been sending in Reader Peeves for awhile and then I asked her in July if she would to like to have a one-month trial as a guest Peever while I was on maternity leave. Well, I got busy and lazy and her trial went on and on and on until I remembered last week to ask the other Peevers if they wanted to keep her. Most (!) said yes.

Check out Erin's blog Because I Feel Like Writing.

Reader Peeves: Bodily Functions Edition

Have a peeve? Send it in. peevedmichelle@yahoo.com

RFK has a peeve:

When making duece in the toilet and you realize your nose is running, make sure to blow the nose before the wipe. This is important.

Jamie has a peeve:*

I’ve had a bladder infection for a goddam week. If I go to the doctor she’ll give me antibiotics which will make me sick to my stomach and render my birth control pills less effective. So my options are “hurts to pee” or “puking and possibly getting pregnant”.

Guess I’ll stick with the bladder infection. :p

*I already told her to get her pee-pee to the doctor.

It's Going to Snow Tomorrow

Fall began two days ago and it seems like the days got shorter by about 2 hours.  I'm ready for light therapy already.

De-Hy-Dration

Dehydration! (Sorry, Grease 2 flashback). 

Why do I get so dehydrated when I travel?  I don't think I drink any less whilst travelling than I do during a regular day, so what screws it all up?  I'm still dehydrated from my mad dash to Portland on Tuesday and today is Thursday.

Short Changed

I can't decide if it irks me or not when people stand there and count out their change right in front of the person who handed it to them. In some respects, I understand wanting to make sure you get the correct change back but it also seems kind of rude to me.

You're the Jackass, Jackass

I was scheduled for a meeting titled "Brainstorm Session Leave Session One." The organizer had no idea why I didn't know what it was about.

This is example #293,508,265 why I hate people.

Driving Peeves

I'm not usually a driver, but my mad dash to Portland and back yesterday has caused me to incur the following peeves (a classic list):

• If there are 4 or 5 cars directly in front of me in the left lane, please do not tailgate me.  Obviously I can't go any faster.
• As Michelle would say, slower traffic move right!  Going 65 in a 60 MPH zone isn't FAST... going 80 is.
• All cars built after maybe 2005 should have cruise control.  The 2009 ridiculously yellow Pontiac G5 I rented did not, but it could tell me how full my tires were and what the temp of the oil was.  One of these is far more useful than the others in a rental car.
• Why does traffic randomly slow down in Nisqually?  There's nothing out there.
• Why do cities believe it is smart to reduce the number of lanes on freeways as you are entering the city?  Wouldn't you need more lanes there?

Two non-peeves about Oregon:

1. For some reason you cannot pump your own gas.  That's nice.  I purposely bought gas just as I was leaving for that reason.

2. HOV lanes are only HOV lanes for "rush" hour traffic.  At 2:00 PM I could breeze down it all by my lonesome.  I liked that too.  Here in Seattle, they are 24/7 HOV only.

Name Game

My neighbors directly behind me have a son, a daughter and a dog. The names I've heard them say are Cooper, Trevor and Tyler.

I still can't figure out who is who after living here almost nine months.

Ingenious Free Marketing Idea

On sale at Target were Playtex Sport tampons. I'm not sporty, but, whatever.

On the wrappers of each individual tampon are motivational sporty sayings.  Here is a just a sampling:

• Be passionate.
• Life is a sport...get in the game!
• You've got the power!
• Practice your victory speech.

I think when you're in the process of looking at the wrapper on a super size tampon, sporty or not, reading a saying like "You've got the power!" could push you either way on your hormonal mood swing.

Today it hit me like a lightning bolt. Hallmark Tampons: motivational moments when you need them most!  How about:

• Hang in there, baby!
• The best is yet to come!
• You've got a friend!

Any other suggestions?

"Please give me three minutes of your attention while I review the safety features of this aircraft"

I'm on airplanes a lot, usually twice a week.  I know people are busy and all, but it is really so much to ask that you shut your fucking mouth for a few minutes while the flight attendant goes through her safety lecture?  Last Thursday I was treated to a pair of ninnies discussing (loudly) the wedding they were going to attend, and whether or not the food would be served buffet-style.  This morning, the two guys in front of me were talking shit (loudly) about one of their co-workers.  Just shut the hell up and listen.  If this flight goes down, you'll be glad you did.

Retired People Can Suck It

I have to go to a family funeral in upstate New York (not near anywhere cool like Buffalo.)  My relatives who are retired have planned the funeral for tomorrow. This means I have to take two days off from work to get to and from the funeral.

Could they have scheduled it for the weekend, perhaps, since everyone needs to travel to get there?  Or am I being too logical?

The family member just died yesterday. There's no religious reason to have the service so quickly in this family. The body is being cremated today and can't even be placed in the urn in time for the service, they say. Um, ew!?  And it's not because the family is so stricken with grief that they have to get it over with right away. 

The reason for the mid-week rush to funeral is simply because the retired people have no memory of what it's like to have a job. 30+ people in my family have to leave work and pull their kids out of school to travel to the middle of nowhere on a Wednesday, instead of on a Saturday when it would be logical and result in a better turnout for the funeral, but noooooooo. The retired people don't realize what day of the week it is. They will also be the first to complain,"I don't understand why more people aren't here!"

And that is why retired people can suck it.

Swallow, don't spit!

I don't care how much mucus you have in your mouth, stop spitting on the sidewalk while I'm walking behind you!

It's not just a peeve, it's a public health concern!  What if I can't dodge a puddle of your spit on the sidewalk and then I walk into my home and forget to remove my shoes?  Grrrrrrosssss!   Just stop it.

Can I get some ice cream with that?

The frequency at which I sneeze up, cough up, and spit up tonsil stones is really making me want to call my doctor and ask to have my tonsils removed.    I'm pretty sure she won't agree, but they're just damn nasty!

Can I Ask Santa For This?

It would not hurt my feelings in any way, shape or form if all the suck-ups and brown-nosers of the world were magically turned into garden gnomes.

Earache, my eye!

I have had an earache for months.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you, Michelle!  I hope it is a great day!

Peeved Haiku: To My Husband

Long after midnight
Knives attack my sleeping flesh
Cut your toenails, please

***

Wondrous cabinets!
Their doors not only open,
They close, too.  Try it.

***

Running late for work
I briefly leave the bathroom
NO!  DO NOT POOP NOW!

I had a lovely dinner tonight....

...that is, until I went to drive home from taking my dad out for dinner (it was his 70th birthday yesterday) and I saw this jackass on not one - but two - enormous motherfucking billboards on the way home.

He is everywhere!

Peeves of Yore

Since this is my first time doing PoY, I figured I'd take us back to everyone's (official) first time. No backseats included. Or pre-Peevery.com posts, for that matter.

Peeved Michelle, the reason we're all here, had a theory. I'm guessing she still does.

Joanne, probably the most prolific peever, started off apparently with a bit of a multiple-personality situation, but has since gotten that straightened out.

I think I've only peeved about three things this whole time: annoying family members, stoopid boys, and idiotic coworkers. Here's where the trend began.

Jen14221 has singlehandedly (that's right...right?) increased the volume of swears on this blog, and we love her for it.

Blaugra showed some hate for the B. The Peevery welcomes hate.

I bet if Karla Kay posted more frequently, that "like" from 2007 might very well turn into lust. You up for it, KK? 

Hazel started out educating us all. Thankfully, it's gone uphill since then.

Nikita aka Nikki reps the Canadian front. They have peeves too, ya know eh?

Shocking admissions are also welcome at The Peevery. Amy knew that from the start.

Red's life is hard, in part - nay, in spite! - of being the only male Peever.

How to Retweet on Twitter

Tweeters: Please learn the difference between using "RT" and using "via" for attribution in your tweets. Examples to follow.

Original post

Peeved Michelle I met Tim Gunn wearing K-Mart pants! http://is.gd/3obRW

How to retweet this post using "RT"

RT @Peeved Michelle I met Tim Gunn wearing K-Mart pants! http://is.gd/3obRW

How NOT to retweet this post using "via"

I met Tim Gunn wearing K-Mart pants! http://is.gd/3obRW (via @Peeved Michelle)

The reason that way is incorrect is that, at first, it sounds like YOU were the one meeting Tim Gunn in K-Mart pants, not ME.

How to retweet this post using "via"

I would be so embarrassed if I met Tim Gunn while wearing K-Mart pants! http://is.gd/3obRW  (via @Peeved Michelle )

How to retweet this post using "via" if you use an app like Tweetie that puts the "via" in for you automatically

RT I would be so embarrassed if I met Tim Gunn while wearing K-Mart pants! http://is.gd/3obRW  (via @Peeved Michelle )

Summary

Use "RT" when you are copying a tweet word-for-word. Use "via" when you put a tweet in your own words, but it came from someone else originally.

ADVANCED LESSON: How to add your own comments to a RT

There are couple ways you can add your own comments to a retweet. Examples to follow

Put your comments in the front (I prefer this method)

Who is she kidding? RT @Peeved Michelle I am so awesome.

Put your comments at the end, but set apart from the original tweet

RT @Peeved Michelle I am so awesome. *Who is she kidding?*

OR

RT @Peeved Michelle I am so awesome. [Who is she kidding?]

Don't put your comments at the end without setting them apart

RT @Peeved Michelle I am so awesome. Who is she kidding?

Ok, lessons done for the day

Find It!

The last place I remember seeing my pink video game case that holds my DS games is on the airplane coming back from visiting Michelle and family for her daughter's birthday in August.  I half-heartedly looked for it on Monday evening.  I think tomorrow or over the weekend I have to look more seriously.  It's about $500 worth of games I may or may not have lost.  (And now that I've done that math I'm a little shocked at what I squander my money on.)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

...it's through another re-org I go
(whistles)
Hi ho, Hi ho, Hi ho

Hi ho, Hi ho
I'll keep my job but others won't
(whistles)
Hi ho, Hi ho
(more whistles)

Reader Peeves

All your peeves are belong to me. Send them to peevedmichelle@yahoo.com

Lyla has a couple peeves:

I'm peeved that everyone is totally missing the point of Kanye. He interrupted Taylor b/c she won the best "Female" video whilst saying that Beyonce had one of the best videos ever. Fucker doesn't think that women can and apparently do win the "Best Video" category. That part totally bugs me..., he insulted both artists in one fell swoop and no one even notices.

---

Second peeve.., I'm sick of main stream media ignoring what's really going on in this administration. Where's the outrage over the ACORN scandal?

Jamie has a couple peeves, too:

Dear Husband,

I’m a grazer. I always have been. Unlike you I cannot eat a gargantuan 5000-calorie meal every 2 days and be fine. I need to eat more frequently. And no, eating a larger meal won’t help. It’ll only make me feel uncomfortably full now, and I will still be hungry again in 90 minutes. This is why I am, as you put it, “The Doggie Bag Queen”. Is it really SO embarrassing for you when I take half my restaurant meal home and eat it later? If so, well, I guess you’re gonna have to get over that.

Signed,
your already-full wife.

---

Maybe it’s just me, but I want to smack anyone who says they “forgot to eat lunch”. How the hell do you forget to eat?? It’s a bodily function, like blinking or peeing. Have you ever had to douse your eyes in saline because, oops, you forgot to blink? I think not. Have you recently wet yourself in public because you forgot to go to the bathroom earlier? If you’re over 4 years old, I really hope not. Don’t the strange growling sounds coming from your abdomen and the sensation that your body is digesting its own organs for nourishment tip you off that, hmm, maybe you should put something in your mouth and chew it?? Maybe that’s why you’re such a bitch all the time- low blood sugar.

Eat a cookie, goddam it.

Fruitless

Last year, I had more pears growing on my pear tree than I knew what to do with.  This year, there are three.  Three.  WTF?

Siren's Song

The chips.  The Pepsi.  It calls to me.  Eat a snack!  Must resist!  May not be able to do so. 

Flying low

For some reason, the zipper flap on my favourite pair of jeans has decided that it doesn't want to lay flat so despite the fact that I am zippered up, it looks like I'm not. Ironing the flap totally didn't help.

Urinetown

What's worse than having to step over a huge lake of urine in front of my office door?

Having to step over the urinator.

UPS Strikes Again!

i come home tonight after volunteering and find a slip on the far side of the front door indicating that UPS attempted to deliver my package.  There's all sorts of scribbles on it and I finally discern it was the 3rd attempt.  When was attempt one and two I ponder.  I go online to see when the alleged attempts one and two happened.  What do I see? 

1. This was the first attempt to deliver the package.
2. There's a delivery exception.

3. The delivery exception is because the customer requested to go pick up the package.  I'm the fucking customer.  I'm 100% certain I did not request to go pick up the goddamn package. 

I have no idea who the fucking driver talked to but I am livid.  This is not the first time I have had trouble with UPS and I'm sure it won't be the last as long as I live in this building.  But given that usually UPS ground packages can be left (Amazon's packages get left all the time) I can't imagine why there is so much drama.  Damn UPS.

Make Sure It Works

On more than one occasion I have been asked by a branch of the federal government to submit my employer's information online via their websystem.  On more than one occasion I have gone online to do so only to be thwarted by the website's issues.  Perhaps the government branch should consider the simple practice of extensive testing of their site to ensure there will be no troubles.  I just spent ten minutes navigating a phone system after the website told me my EIN and PIN do not match their records.  The guy on the phone, "Oh yes, they've been having troubles with the system.  I recommend you try logging in daily."  Seriously dude?  If they can't be bothered to deal with extensive testing, perhaps they should post a message on their site that sometimes the database is not working and you should be patient instead they threaten my employer with a $1,000 fine for each individual I do not report and give me a 30 day deadline.  Also, while I'm griping, a 30 day deadline from "receipt of this letter" is not a helpful deadline.  Give me a real goddamn date please.

Lazy AND Stupid

Is it really going to take that much time out of your life to take a look at who the e-mail was already sent to before forwarding it to me? If it were a blind copy, I'd understand, but when it's not, PLEASE don't be that much more of a pain in my ass.

Take The Time

I wish physicians would stop releasing employees back to their jobs when they aren't ready to be back.  (Usually at the convincing of the employee) It puts my employer at risk.  It puts the employee at risk.  It means I have to do more work to call the physician to say "Seriously?  You thought THIS guy was ready to work again?" And thus begins the push-pull between the physician's office and me where I give them things like a job description so they can really really decide if the person is able to work. 

(Also, those of you who work for an employer of more than 50 employees and have been there for over a year, you are eligible for the Family Medical Leave Act which will give you 12 weeks unpaid, job protected leave.  If you need it, TAKE IT!)

Peeves of Yore

I know Michelle is busy with a toddler and a new baby, and is going back to work and all, but I'm wondering if she wants to take over the Peeves of Yore, since I am so spectacularly sucky at it. Or maybe Blaugra wants to do it - she is an optimist, you know!

These Peeves are all from about one year ago.  Enjoy.

Blaugra had some sort of a secret addiction.  PILLS!

Karla and Hazel celebrated an anniversary.  I'll bet you did not know they were a couple.

Joanne was short on ingredients for tacos.  Fucking Rite-Aid!

Nikki was missing the Great White North.  Eh, Buffalo is better, I say.

Amy was a lazy housewife with spiders in her dishwasher.  Better than ants, right?

I was frightened by my dinner.  Shrimp eyes!  Looking at me!  Ahhhh.

Kate had a long-ass list of peeves.  I do love the list format of Peeves, you know.

 

Ouchie

My body is reverting to my mental age of three years old. I have an ear infection, the first I've ever had. I'm 35 freakin' years old.

Sleeping Through The Night

Dear Pet,

I like you.  I feed you.  I give you water.  I give you treats.  I let you live in my apartment without asking anything from you... until now.  Please, please, please stop walking around my body all night.  You crawl across my pillow and end up sliding onto my face.  You climb up and over my bare legs, scratching me with your little claws.  Last night you did this no fewer than 3 times, each time waking me up.  Let this be a notice to you... you stop doing this and I won't stop feeding you, giving you water and giving you treats.  Otherwise all bets are off and you'll find your ass in the cage every night instead of the free space you are so spoiled with. 

Thanks for the consideration,

Your owner.    

Downside Of Sobriety

I don't know if alcohol used to keep me from getting sick, or helped disguise the symptoms, but since I quit drinking five years ago I feel like I get sick a lot more often.  I mention this now because I think a big glass of Southern Comfort on the rocks with some honey mixed in would do wonders for my sore throat, cough, and general achiness.  Nyquil just doesn't cut it.

Reader Peeves

Max has a peeve:

I grind my teeth, and brace for a big whopper whenever I hear hack politicians use these phrases:
 
"Let me repeat that:"  blah blah continue on with whatver baloney he's serving up.  Great.  Wow, whatever this guy is saying must be true because he told it to me twice in a row!  This is a big favorite of VP Joe Biden.
 
"Make no mistake..."  blah blah.  Why use this trite formulation?  It sounds really dumb.  If my friend ever told me something like, "Make no mistake, the Steelers will win the Super Bowl,"  I would lose all respect for him and punch him in the head.  Both President Obama and President Bush seem to believe that this is the height of oratory, but I just think it's lazy speech writing.

Max has another peeve:

"Toddlers and Tiaras" creeps me out.

Jamie has a peeve:

Dear Flippin' Tard in the Red Cougar,

Maybe you didn't notice you were in the "left turn only" lane when you decided to go straight. Maybe you didn't realize your lane actually ended at the light. Maybe you should learn to drive/ read a goddam sign. You didn't even really have to read it- it's an arrow bent at a 90 degree angle pointing left. A preschooler could figure that one out. Maybe you should have gotten off your damned cell phone and looked UP where they usually keep street signs, stoplights, etc. And maybe, after you failed to read the effing sign, failed to at least signal that you were trying to merge from a non-existent lane into the one that was for people in the "going straight" lane at the light, and failed to put down the phone so you could properly see your side mirror, maybe, just maybe you should have refrained from angrily honking your horn at the 3 cars that passed you wondering what the idiot in the Cougar was trying to do. I hope you drive off a cliff.

Signed,
the lady behind you glaring at you in your rearview mirror