A Hot Mess With a Side of Gross

My eyes are itchy and my nostrils are swollen because I am having an allergic reaction to something. My nails are flaking and my hair is falling out because my pregnancy hormones have retreated. My face is breaking out for the same reason. In addition to the zits, I have a minor chemical burn on my face due to a depilatory miscalculation. I have a tar stain on my thickly calloused heel from the beach. I am mildly sunburned on various parts of my body because I didn't use enough sunscreen at the beach. And, to top it all off, a new medication occasionally gives me the shits. You want to make out?