The Peevery

For heaven's sake

I came here to peeve about something that really pissed me off and now I can't remember what I was going to peeve about. I have a memory leak.

I really wanted Lady Gaga to play on my blog.

Dear iLike,

That music playlist widget thingy you're offering for Typepad and Blogger is very cute and fun, but it crashed my blog.  Fail.

- Laura

Sometimes I hate my state.

This post has nothing to do with Sen. Arlen Specter (R) (D - Pennsylvania)

Last year my household had to pay state taxes. We paid them. The state apparently forgot we paid them because suddenly we were "in collections." 

For weeks we've been getting harassing phone calls from the collection agency, and you know, you can't reason with these people.  Who wants to work for one of those services anyway? That must be a sucky job, arguing with people like us.  They're quite rude.  They didn't really care that we kept saying we were working on fixing the problem.  And because of this glitch in the state's system now I have to go and make sure this doesn't go down on our permanent record.  Grrr.

Sweet Relief

Have you ever accidentally broken a dish and for half a second you're pissed off because now you have to clean up the mess and take care that you don't jam a piece of glass into your toe and then you're secretly glad because it's an ugly serving dish you got as a gift and it never fit in your cabinets anyway? 

Prickly

In the shower this morning, I thought, "Maybe I should shave my legs and wear those crop pants today." I don't know what my next thought was, but my next action was not shaving my legs. However, the thought of the crop pants apparently stuck in my head because I am wearing them right now. I'm glad the last time I wore them was toward the end of last week so that the hairs on my legs are more like new grass coming in and less like the lawn on that foreclosed house around the corner.

Hoser

On the long list of annual spring activities that I dread is the first use of the garden hose.  Because I am a lazy bastard and put off emptying the hose and hanging it in the shed  don't have a heated garage and have little room in the basement for such things, my hose spent the winter outside.  Which is not good for the hose at all.  So the first time I turned the water on, I found a little hole.  Very well.  I went to the hardware store and bought a hose repair kit, brought it home, and fixed it.  Then I turned it on again, and there was another goddam hole.  I tried to fix that one with electrical tape just to get through one application of liquid weed killer.  I was sort of successful with that; a slow leak was all that remained there.  

Well.  Turns out I must have also run the end of the hose over in the winter some time and killed the threads, explaining why it took vise grips and a lot of grunting to get the old spray nozzle off.  I attached the dial-a-spray thing with the weed killer in it, turned the water on again, and soaked myself head to foot.  Awesome. 

Maybe dandelions aren't so bad after all.

How many times do I have to say that I'm not a good Monday morning person?

My office attended a conference on Friday, and while I was there for the entire day, my colleague had to leave early.  

OK, the days in between Friday and today are known as a weekend in us M-F, 9-5 worker circles, and the weekends are chock full of a gajillion activities. I didn't exactly spend much time reflecting on the conference after I left it on Friday afternoon, much less time to give an 8:30 am Monday morning report.

So imagine my irritation when my hyped-up co-worker greets me today with "HI! HOW WAS THE REST OF THE CONFERENCE!?"

I don't fucking know.  Give me until this afternoon to revisit my notes and get my brain in the game.  I have other things to deal with first. 

My response: "Good. Ask me more specifics later, I can't deal with your questions right now."   I find that being direct is the best response in this particular situation.  Bitchy?  Naaaaah.

 

It's a fricken' canteloupe!

So there's this commercial for this mystery melon that allegedly does all these wonderful things for your skin.  This mysterious melon they are making such a big deal about?  A canteloupe. 

I Suck.

I am addicted to "Bowling Buddies" on Facebook but I can't can stop throwing splits.

Peeves of Yore - Tax Man, O Tax Man, You Can Suck It.

I am getting the run-around from New York state, whose taxation representatives owe me almost 2K in a refund.  So, imagine my surprise when yesterday I got a BILL for over $3500 in taxes from 2008.  I spent some time at the bank this morning researching things.  On my day off.  And turns out they received and cashed my tax payment checks in April, June, September and January (I pay my taxes quarterly) but did not credit my account with April and June.  Losers. 

Here's some taxing peeves from the past:

In March 2006, Michelle had a tax peeve that was worse than pain in her hoo-ha.

In April (April 13th to be exact) 2006, Michael was so waiting until the last minute to file.

Last year, JoAnn realized that she was getting the screw.

Also last year, someone unknown was over two months late in filing his/her taxes.  Ouch!

Sigh.

I am considering moving for the fifth time in three years. What the hell is wrong with me?  I actually like moving but this is getting ridiculous.

Reader Peeves

Bachamer has a peeve:

Maybe Octomom had a point!
 
I know it usually takes two to make a baby  but I'll be darned if I'll manage to even see hubby around that "special" time.  I swear he's at school for some project or review or test every time we could possibly make one!  It is starting to get to me! I think I'll need to go a different rout

MamaKaren has two peeves:

Working at My Non-Paying Job

Because we have a fairly strict telework policy, which requires a fair amount of paperwork and approvals and such, I generally use my leave if I need to be home to meet a repairman, or the kids are on Spring Break, or whatever.  I check my email and voicemail remotely a few times during the day to stay in the loop, and follow up on anything that cannot wait until I am back in the office.  So the next person who rolls his or her eyes at me because I am out of the office ("Again?!  Don't your kids ever go to school anymore?! Ha, ha.") can just suck it.  Especially if said eye-roller happens to be one of the folks who always seems to have connectivity issues and phone problems only on their "work from home" days.  Funny how I get more accomplished when I am hanging out with my children than some people do when they are in their home office with no distractions.

Vindication

When I have a conference call, I send the agenda the day before (earlier, if possible).  One of the high level assistants has made a habit of waiting until the day of a conference call to send me an email (copying my boss) asking if there is an agenda.  My boss responded to one of these emails, pointing out when the agenda had been sent and confirmed that the assistant was on the recipient list.  The only thing better being able to defend my own competence is having upper management defend my competence.

Eight Months Giant

I am over-heated and out of breath from toasting a bagel, making a cup of iced tea (decaf), and walking up one flight of stairs.

My former boss said, "You have a month left?" I assume due to the fact the my belly has made another recent pop-out and the shirt I am wearing would make a stick figure look pregnant. I laughed at him and said, "Eight weeks." Certainly you all know by now that a full-term pregnancy is not nine months, it is nearly ten (40 weeks).

On the way up from the parking garage this morning, a coworker I barely know asked how my project is going. I said that it was going great since I am transitioning it to someone else now. She asked what I would be doing then. Surprise! I'm pregnant and going on maternity leave in June. This giant belly? It is only 50% attributable to donuts; the rest of the credit goes to the four pounds of fetus, two pounds of placenta, two pounds of amniotic fluid, two pounds of uterus the size of a basketball, four pounds of extra blood flowing through my veins (yuck), and four pounds of extra water. Most of the latter has chosen to reside in my feet.

Weather WTF?

Two days ago it was 94 degrees.  Today it is chilly enough that I am wearing a sweater and a jacket.  As if my wardrobe weren't already schizophrenic.

Something's Gotta Give

Tonight I have to:

1. Get all the trash together and outside

2. Get all the recycling (hello, soda addiction) together and outside

3. Make dinner

4. Make TWO desserts, b/c what I want to make (fruit pizza) probably won't appeal to boyz, ergo chocolate brownies.

5. Pick up the house so my friend/ride to dinner tomorrow doesn't get lost inside

6. Go to bed early so I can be on time to my conference tomorrow that's a good 45min away

I've already taken the gym off my list...what else do you think ain't gonna happen?

Vision is so Overrated

1. Tonight I went back to my eye doc to find out why my 10day old contacts have sucked since day. (Due to being out of town, I couldn't get back sooner.) The reason they sucked?

Polishing compound left on them. Kickass.

Fresh Fruit Bouquet

Dear FFBC,

You claim on your website you serve ALL of the United States.  Apparently what you really mean is that you serve all of the United States that matter somehow.  Arizona IS a part of the United States.  I know it doesn't seem like it what with it being close to Mexico, but it really is part of the US.  Hence since you do not serve Arizona, you do not serve all of the United States.  And actually, there are 50 states in the United States, not 14 which is all you really serve.  That secondary website that actually would deliver to anywhere in the US is not the same and not what I'm looking for.

Thanks for playing, though.

Joanne

Related, my parents live in a stupid place. Nothing delivers there.

How many fingers?

I recently went to see a new optometrist and she told me that my former optometrist was incompetent and gave me a prescription that is much stronger than I need. So now I'm wearing a weaker prescription and my eyes are adjusting and it's messing with my depth perception and I have walked into several walls and almost fell down the stairs. I think I need a third opinion.

Save it already!

I've been replaying a video game on my DS that I enjoyed but I forgot one specific thing I hate about it.  When entering a dungeon, where at the end will be a big bad guy, you can't save anywhere in the dungeon.  You can only save in the beginning.  This means, when I inevitably die facing the big baddie, I have to start all over again at the beginning of the dungeon and fight my way through the whole thing again.  It caused me to put the game away last night out of annoyance.

Suck it, new diet!

I have been doing a better eating/portion control method of eating since Jan. 1. I call it a "diet" but many people say "diets don't work" and "don't use the word diet. It's a life-long eating plan." These are probably the same people who say things like, "Looks like someone's gotta case of the Mondays!" (Thank you Office Space.) I call it a diet. I've logged every single calorie I've eaten for almost four months now on the www.sparkpeople.com website. Anyway, with a lot of hard work, I lost 15 pounds. Then about 5 weeks ago, I stopped losing weight. I've still been maintaining the same number of calories/day and the same exercise schedule, but total flatline on the weight loss. The website will adjust and tell you if you need fewer calories because you weigh less, and it's still suggesting the same number of daily calories for me, 1200-1550/day. I love to eat and I go all the way to the 1550 maximum every day, but I have the sinking feeling that this plateau means I need to drop down closer to 1200. Seriously? I feel like if I drop that low, I'll go crazy and screw the entire thing. I'm trying to exercise more, but it's hard to find the time. Portion control, diets, exercise and calories can all suck it. Suck it, I say!!!

This sucks.

Dear husband,

I think we need marriage counseling.

Sincerely, wife

Blech

I do not enjoy mushy grapes.

I Can't See Clearly Now

I have just acquired a big honkin' new scratch on my glasses.  Right in my normal line of vision.  Annoying as hell.  Worst part is that I'm going on vacation a week from today...not enough time to get new lenses.  Fuck me.

Doll clothes

My husband threw my favourite wool sweater into the dryer. The sweater is now so small it won't even fit my two year old. I am sad.

BreadLoaf Top

You'll have to work with me here a moment.  You know how a loaf of bread rises and spills over the sides of the pan... kind of exploding out of the constrictions of the bread pan?  I saw that yesterday - on a young woman on the bus.  She got up to leave and her back was kind of squarish and her jeans low enough I had the misfortune to see ass crack.  She turned and oh good golly explosion all out the front.  Her shirt was not long enough to cover anything (and it was too tight) so, similar to the man with the pot belly and too short shirt, it was all just hanging out.  Now I say this as a fellow fat chick, "Cover that up! Nobody likes to see all that white flab." 

Reader Peeves

Erin has a peeve:

Ghost Hair

Nothing annoys me more than having a random head hair attached to my shirt sleeve, tickling my arm.  I end up looking like a dog chasing it's tail, craning my head and trying to find the offending hair.

GoAkstBecky has a peeve:

Rated R for Language and a Foul Temperament about Lollipop BS:
 
Here's my Peeve, skinny girls who only pretend to LOVE to EAT. They make me and many others who believe in digestion want to puke. Seriously. I'm not heavy and yet, I'm also not emaciated. I'm average. I work out. I eat pretty normally. I have guilt, like every other American about lettin' it all hang out on occasion and devouring the case of Ding Dongs in one sitting, but they go in my body and then out... leaving me with 10 to 15 shitty pounds I have to run off. If I eat what I want, I'm like Oprah, I'm ten pounds heavier in a few days flat. But these skinny, starving, face-drawn and wrinkled up friends who look like lollipops where their head is HUGE and their hips look like a 10 year old boy's gymnasium body is sickening. That's probably the look of malnutrition, I'd say if I were a bettin' gal, pointing my big greasy, saturated turkey leg at the skinny bitch pretending to labor over the 10 layer nachos or the triple beef burger with a piece of fried cheese in between two of the patties, all-well knowing that the damn thing will end up in the porcelain depository in about less than an hour and counting. I'm sick to death of these women who are a size two but are dying to go and try a new restaurant out that specializes in the fat-laden Italian dishes that would be the equivalent of an Elvis fried banana sandwich. And look at them ordering appetizers, as though any of those dishes are just starters in their regular routines. I love how these women make men think that they are big-eaters and gluttonous almost as though someone has taught them that "this is how you catch and keep a man: you look like a child, get a Brazilian wax like a child and act like you eat without restrictions of any kind, like a child, but in reality, you either vomit or starve to hide that you really can't eat without boundaries. Fuuuuhuuuuck that. And listen to them brag about the food as though they eat that way all of the time and have a tiny figure, however don't have to sacrifice five star fattening cuisine. These are the ones who have trouble getting pregnant because they are thin and missing periods but will ACT like corn-dogs are their favorite food.  I'm fucking TIRED of being in the posh Dallas cupcakery when a few lollipops walk in and can't decide which 1000 calorie snack cake they want today, LIKE THEY FUCKING EAT THEM AROUND THE CLOCK and still buy boy's underwear at TARGET. For gosh sakes. It's outrageous and don't bullshit me about differences in metabolism. Their hurling those fatcakes right back up, cappuccino-vanilla-snickerdoodle frosting and all. But it's important that first, they show everyone in the sugar house du jour that they can be a size 2 or even O... and still enjoy life without sacrifices... I'll keep my hourglass shape and a head that is not growing still in adult life, because my ass can't, thank you very fucking much. I'll select to have the food I eat pass through a digestive tract, as opposed to makin' it return back through the same hole it went down in the first place. Oh, the horror of heaving. Does anyone really get enough positive weight feeback to justify hurling? I sure wouldn't. But whatever. Cut the crap. If you don't eat, then don't pretend you do. Do us all a favor and drop the "I'm in the mood for ice cream after dinner" lines. And spare us the details of how you savor rocky road. I would not guess it's as good in vomit form. No wonder you crave it only once in a blue moon. We're not buying it. Maybe you need to convince the world that you can have it all, but we are seein' through it. Some of you chicks are starving all week too, just to pretend to eat on Saturday night. We're on to that bs, just the same, my friends. Get the fuck over yourselves and eat/live in a normal way and if you don't care about your own selves, then please at least think about the kids out there who will soon be modeling after your selfish. sick, lollipop body image. And on that reality check, I'm peeved about this.

Pajamas and Pedestrians

Driving through my neighborhood this weekend, I was struck by the number of teenage girls walking down the street wearing pajamas.  I know this is some sort of fashion statement that I don't get because I am an old fogy, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

My biggest peeve, though, is that these girls are walking on the street.  Not on the sidewalks that were installed and are maintained for the express purpose of keeping pedestrians out of the way of cars, oh no. I guess that's another trend that I'm not aware of - ignoring the sidewalks and walking on the street at least three abreast and blocking the whole traffic lane and moving out of the way of cars only at the beep of a horn and only after flashing a dirty or condescending look at the exasperated driver. 

While wearing pajamas.

My potato salad can kick your ass.

I don't think the husband appreciated my kick-ass potato salad.

You know, for as common as it is, a kick-ass potato salad is not the easiest thing to whip up.

A Confession

Sometimes when I'm riding in a car and the driver starts texting while zooming down the freeway at 75 I secretly hope they'll hit something to prove to them that they are not good drivers while texting!

Peeves of Yore, the mid-April edition

One year ago, JoAnn proved that she is a little old lady.

Two years ago, Blaugra had something to say about Sanjaya.  Who?

Three years ago, JuJu told us about her relationship with satan.

Four years ago, Kate had some cash in the bank.

Five years ago, Michelle did a good deed.  See?  Her heart is not completely black.

My Landlady, She Still Sucks

In early January, my landlady called us on a Saturday evening and told us that exterior painting of our house would begin the next day.  We went into panicked mode and moved plants, furniture, doormats, and everything else that might get in the painters' way or end up covered in exterior latex.  The crew worked all day Sunday and part of Monday, leaving the house about 3/4 painted (the back side and some of the trim were not quite finished).  Then they vanished, leaving all their paint buckets, ladders, tarps, and other mysterious painting things strewn everywhere.  Just in time for the second part of the winter rains.

We contacted La Landlady two weeks ago to find out when the job would be finished, so we could reclaim our yard and begin putting in the spring gardens.

She politely informed us that she had "no further plans" to finish the painting at this point, at least through the summer.

My 72 tomato seedlings and I wish we had known this sooner.

Phair-ly Annoying

I know there are Liz Phair fans in Peeveryland.  I am one of them.  I like every single album.   

Recently I've had the 2003 self-titled CD in heavy rotation. 

I sing along very loudly with Extraordinary, Love/Hate, Good Love Never Dies, etc.  Well, in that last song there's a spoken word sentence, that I don't think fits with the song, which I love otherwise, and it sounds stupid, and I hate it.  I'm not even going to type it here. It's not a bad sentiment, it just bugs the shit out of me. It totally ruins my flow.  Y'know what I mean?

It's Ape-ril!

When exactly did I become so hairy?

But I Didn't Want to Fix It!

About 4 years ago, I bought a pretty nice video camera.  It recorded video on those little MiniDV tapes, took digital stills, and had night vision.  Over the last few years I've taped all sorts of stuff and gotten what I feel is pretty good use out of the thing. 

Last year, I noticed that when I flipped the view screen all the way out, neither the backlight for the screen nor any of the touchscreen functions worked. However, if I just kept the thing only halfway open, everything worked fine.  Except that this bothered me to no end.  So for the last few months I've been contemplating buying a new video camera, especially since I got to play with my brother's new HDD video camera that was oh so fun with all the bells and whistles and no tapes or memory cards, yay!

However, frugality plays a part in any of my decisions, as befits a man married to my wife, who is frugal to the point - OK, past the point - of cheap.  This meant that of course that I had to make a last ditch effort to try to repair this camera, which I figured would be a win for me because there was no way that I could possibly fix it and I would probably just make it worse and then we could move on to the fun part of purchasing a NEW toy to play with.  Sure enough, I actually fixed it, and now I don't get to buy a new toy.  I think I cried a little. 

Suckered

I bought something off eBay and it looks like the seller is going to flake and not ship what I bought. Luckily it was a book and less than $10 and I'll be able to file a claim with PayPal but what a pain in the ass. People suck.

Screened

Unless it is very important, or it is regarding a logistical change in a meeting, or you are a friend who I haven't seen in months, please don't call me. I am 7.5 months pregnant and I don't feel like getting up to answer the damn phone. Send me an email; I'll read it later.

Conundrum

On the one hand, I'm so over hearing about Octomom that she could fall off the planet and I wouldn't care.  On the other, if some reality TV producer wants to give her money to be on their show, why should I care?  In fact it is probably a good thing since maybe she can pay back Kaiser Permanente some of the money (yeah right) that it took to take care of her and her pack.  But that means she'll still be showing up on my yahoo news feeds.  Eh, I suppose either way she will be.

Now The Calls Start

They've posted the job that will become my boss.  Now I'm getting the ever fun phone calls:

Phone: UP are you leaving?
UP: No
Phone: Oh, I heard they were hiring for your job.
UP: No, they're hiring for my new boss.
Phone: Are you going to apply for that?
UP: No, I don't have any YZ experience.

As soon as the new job is found, I'm out of here!

Damned No Matter What

It doesn't matter what food I buy, someone in this house won't like it. 2 of 3 kids like strawberry pop-tarts, the other won't touch them. 2 of 3 love bananas and the other will squish it around in his hands until he is filthy and THEN decide he hates them. 1 of 3 likes eggs. 2 of 3 like toast. 1 of 3 like dry waffles and 2 of 3 like them with butter and syrup. None like cereal. All 3 like pancakes but I'll BE GODAMNED IF I AM GOING TO MAKE PANCAKES EVERY DAMN MORNING. I'm having a bad day and it's not even 9 am.

9 to 5

Wow, it's amazing how much you miss when you spend all day at work doing actual work.

Word!

Like, I am, like, so sick of the, like, overuse of the word "like."

Local & Sustainable

So right now, there's this big push here in Seattle for local food or sustainable food (it may be the same where you live, I don't know I don't live there yet).  I was at a place, really good actually, for brunch on Sunday that sources food locally.  Maybe I am unclear on what that means considering as a garnish on my friend's plate there was both pineapple and orange slices.  Since I'm about 99% certain Seattle has neither a thriving pineapple plantation nor an awesome orange grove I can't fathom how that is locally sourced food.  Which brings me to my peeve, this isn't the first place that flies the "local" or "sustainable" flag yet serves some portion of their food that is clearly not.

This is especially peevey because our local student caf puts up these signs like "How far did your bacon travel?" or "Where did your hamburger come from?" yet every breakfast the fruit salad is canteloupe, honeydew and watermelon.  I'm pretty sure we don't have year round watermelon crops here.  

Reader Peeves

Alpha Mom has a peeve:

Baggage Claim

I was trying to decide if my new purse was too big when my dad said, "Honey, I put your keys in your carry-on," when I was there for Easter dinner.  I guess that answers my question.

Should Have Done It Sooner

So I was just cruising an apartment finding website and I'm shocked to see how cheap apartments are in places that are not here.  I could get a three bedroom two bath in an "exclusive complex" in Charlotte or Savannah for what I currently pay.  In Pittsburgh, I could get what I currently have for less than 1/2 of what I pay.  And in Charlotte, at least, my current salary is below the bottom of Salary.com's range. 

Peeves of Yore - Happy Easter!

I know this week's Peeves of Yore is two days late, but I have a good excuse.  Mother Fucking Kidney Stones.

Now, I am full o' ham and cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole and hollandaise asparagus, red wine and hard cider.  And I think my kidney stones have passed.  Hallelujah.

Last year, Kenna enjoyed her very first Easter, and Blaugra was trying to find ways to deal with her leftover hangover.

Two years ago, Melissa had a WTF moment on Easter, and I was really fat.

Three years ago, the Easter Bunny said suck it. And Hello Kitty did too.

Four years ago, Cindy-Lou's husband was lumberjacking on Easter Sunday.

Five long years ago, Michelle had multiple Easter peeves.

Rotundra

Doesn't Rotundra sound like a name for a girl? A really cruel name for a girl.

My belly is big now. I could barely shave my legs this morning. Me and this chick, we're due at the same time, and that picture was taken two weeks ago.

We haven't gotten very far with our list of approved names from which we will select when the baby is born. Please leave suggestions for girl names in the comments. Those of you who follow me on Twitter know the types of suggestions I have been receiving from family. My aunt, Lynette, called me the other night to suggest two names: Lynette and Kynette.

(Note: We don't do middle names. Her middle name will be my maiden name.)

Askew

If the cleaners can't wipe off my desktop without making it look like a tornado came through here, I wish they wouldn't bother. I'd rather clean it myself.

Dumbass.

I received this email one minute ago, from a regional investment guy.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE BASEBALL FANS AND ARE ALSO LOOKING FOR AN INSIGHT INTO INVESTMENT STRATEGIES IN THESE DIFFICULT TIMES, THE ATTACHED REPORTS MAY GIVE YOU FOOD FOR THOUGHT.  HAPPY EASTER AND HAPPY HANUKAH TO ALL

It's Passover, dumbass. 

Keeping it Simple

I'm so fucking tired today.

Dodged a bullet

On the last day of every month I get paid and I promptly login to both of my credit card accounts and make a payment.  This month, I went online and discovered a hold had been put on my card and I couldn't make an online payment.  I thought maybe it was because I had actually used my card in Ireland and not alerted them to my vacation plans.  (I hadn't originally planned to use it there.)  Turns out my card was one of many that may or may not have been compromised blah blah blah.  So I can't pay online, I had to wait until the new card came.  It came like last Thursday or Friday, but totally forgot about my need to pay the bill.  I was online checking my usual checking account today and noticed that that bill hadn't been paid. I went online and paid the bill which was due TODAY.  It will get credited tomorrow.  Better not charge me a late fee for that crap since it was mostly not my fault.