The Peevery

Inconsiderate Work Douche

If I am setting up a meeting and I see that your calendar is open at the time of the meeting, I am going to assume that you are available. When I send you the meeting request, you need to either accept it or decline it. I don't care which one you choose, but if you decline it, you also need to tell me why you are declining. You can also decline, but forward the meeting to someone else on your team who can cover for you, particularly if this is a time-sensitive request that can't wait a week for your return. These are all acceptable workplace behaviors.

What is not acceptable is not blocking out your calendar when you will be out of town at a conference. It is also not acceptable to never respond to a meeting request. Another unacceptable option is sending out an email saying you will be out of town instead of doing any of the acceptable options listed above.

You, sir, are a douche.

Reader Peeve

Martha would have a heart attack

I'm no interior decorator by far, but why would you put tab-top curtains on a white, metal curtain rod? It looks like ass. That's why they make those decorative rods.

(from Erin)

The Search For Silence

I figure that out of my kids' eleventy bazillion toys, there are approxmately three that do not make some sort of electronic noise.  This probably explains why it took me forty minutes this evening to find the one toy that was beeping every eight seconds.  Finding my sanity again may take a little longer.

HFCS How I Love You!

One thing we discovered about Europe, a distinct lack of High Fructose Corn Syrup.  While it may not be good for you, it is undeniable in its awesome ability to make my soda taste good. Neither Irish Coke, nor Irish Pepsi were as sugary sweetly yummy as it is in the US.  Seven up, though, surprisingly tasted the same.

Semi-related, I had read in all my Maeve Binchy books about Club Orange so of course I had to try some.  Club Orange is fizzy orange juice, with pulp.  It is not good.

Armchair Quarterbacks

More than my hatred of armchair quarterbacks... armchair quarterbacks who are new to a sport so they're just shouting nonsense at the screen since they don't know what they're talking about.

Q: What do Fievel and my luggage both have in common?

Answer:  They are both in that big somewhere out there. 

My luggage didn't arrive in Philly from Heathrow yesterday.  Since I fly Non-Rev USAIR won't deliver it so I'll get to go back to the airport sometime sooner or later and pick it up. 

Philadelphia Airport How Do I Hate Thee?

A classic bulleted list.

• They have no decent food in their terminals.
• They number their gates weirdly.  What?? My gate, A8, is at the END of the corridor when I walk past A1, A3, A5, A7, A9, A11, and A13?
• The airport is, without a doubt, the rudest airport I've ever been in.  It is as if a vortex of customer service exists there where nobody can be nice or competent. 
• Because it is one of USAIR's hubs, I always miss the first flight I'm supposed to get on* and have to wait for a later one which exacerbates my issues with the first three.

*I fly standby non-rev (which means non-revenue generating) and so when the plane is full I don't catch my flight. 

Polka-dots!

All over my legs!  Bruises from clumsily running into furniture.  Lovely.

I am not a scientist

Baking is a science. I love it and like to try a new recipe at least once a week but it drives me nuts when I spend an assload of money on ingredients and supplies and then totally screw it up. It is particularly annoying when the recipe takes forever to get through.

Kind of What I Do for a Living

I'd be the guy who has to go talk to Jack.



Auto Tuning from Casey D on Vimeo.

Peeves of Yore - it's all about Joanne today

I think she's in Ireland, right?  What a slacker.

One year ago, Jo had a peely thumb, interfering with her hard mousing work.  Annoying!

Two years ago, Jo switched from Kool-Aid to....prune juice?  Hot water with lemon?  General Foods International Coffee?  Harvey's Bristol Cream?  I don't know - what do old people drink? 

Three years ago, Jo's peeve started an interesting debate about the difference between hotpants and short shorts.  As an aside, there is one girl at my office whose name I do not know, but I call her 'hotpants'.  And everyone always knows exactly who I am talking about.

Four years ago, Jo told the mailroom employees where to stick it. 

And five long years ago, Jo asked the world to 'Say my name, bitch'

Curse You, New Diuretic!

You work too well!

Friday morning thoughts

• I'd go for a jog, but my boobs are too big
• My husband is a real douchebag
• If that cat pukes on the sofa one more time, it's curtains for him
• Can I skip taking a shower today?
• There is not enough money in our account to fix everthing that needs fixing on this built-in-1932 house
• If it snows this weekend, I will cry
• If this kid does not eat his breakfast, it's curtains for him
• Matt Lauer is kind of hot

Next Time, Get a Babysitter

What:  Beer-tasting

When: Last night   

Where: A local beer garden

Who: Myself, my beau, my 2 adult children, one grandmother, and six sets of other parents and their 18 children, all 6 and under, including one apparently colicky newborn.

The down-side to not allowing smoking in bars.

Do I Work at Hooters?

I should get an A+ for my professionalism. I did not crack up - nay, I didn't even crack a smile - when a tool of a coworker told me he "abreast" our coworkers of details.

"Yeah, I abreast them of that during the status meeting."

Next thing you know, he'll be "assing" someone to meet a milestone.

My child has an eating disorder

Will won't eat anything.  It is driving me slowly crazy.

A New Peever

I am happy to announce that I've added a new Peever to the roster. Red should be familiar from his frequent submissions for Reader Peeves. We finally have a man Peever again. Maybe this one will stick.

Reader Peeves

Lou has a peeve:

When people comment on my blog (and others) with
"beautiful, so deep, made my day"!
"thank you, thank you, I really needed to hear this today"!
"you are so wise (kind, beautiful, loving, Godlike), thank you for this post"!
"your words have changed my life"!

and anything else along the lines of
"the world is a huge, cotton candy rainbow of karmic goodness"

and anyone that puts their name at the end of the post (uh, we already know it's you) or signs with "namaste" (I mean when was the last time you were on the Indian subcontinent, really? If you had been there you would know it was dirty, poor, and full of rats).

Red has a peeve about a peeve:

I actually have a couple of peeves about my wife that I would like to write about.  However, my wife is pregnant, and those peeves pretty much stem from that fact.  Therefore, I think that it would be mean and insensitive of me to peeve about those things, especially amongst a group composed largely of women, and having at least one pregnant woman.
    
I suppose my peeve is that I can't peeve.  Dammit.

Funincula!

Good traits I inherited from my Italian grandmother:  an appreciation of garlic, the tendency to talk with my hands, and a wonderfully penetrating stare.

Bad traits I inherited from my Italian grandmother:  ever-increasing chin whiskers and a set of under-eye bags that would put a St. Bernard to shame.

Sometimes Work is Less Awesome

Remember when I posted about how Sometimes Work is Awesome? Well, one of the coworkers with whom I was having the issue didn't take kindly to having the law laid down on her. She simply cannot get over it. Every time it comes up, she has to make a passive-aggressive comment about how it was forced on her. In the last 24 hours, she has made two comments, in email, with other people cc'd on the email. If it happens again, I think I am going to have to go to her boss on it. Her attitude is not great for the team.

Memories...light the corners in my butt

Remember Crunchy Blue Commando?

Sometimes I miss him.  Weird guy, but, we're all a bit weird.

Smiles, Everyone, Smiles!

I work with a woman who signs every email with "Smiles, Sheila" no matter the subject.

Examples:

"I'm having a yard sale to clean out my house after my husband moved out, with the proceeds going to charity.  Please stop by on Saturday!  Smiles, Sheila"

"Join me for lunch at the diner?  I'm craving their grilled triple-cheese sandwich even though I'm lactose intolerant now.  Smiles, Sheila."

"Our organization will go under if we don't raise at least $35,000 by the end of next month.  You'd better all do your part, I expect to see results!!!  Smiles, Sheila."

I'm glad she can stay positive but I get so irritated that I want to slap her smile off her face.

Big 'n' Tired

1. I am so tired of still being fat that I have signed up for WW Online. Is it wrong that the main reason I want to lose weight now is so that I don't look hideous at the bf's cousin's wedding in Sept?

2. I am SO TIRED of being tired! The crappy insomnia is back, meaning the couch knocks me out for a few hours at a time every day, meaning I can't sleep at night, rinse and repeat. I know people say daylight savings is an excuse for being tired but come on already!

New Car Peeve

I have had a long commute for the past seven years. I didn't think it was possible for a new car or traffic peeve to surface, but one has. The next time you get into your new-ish car, look down to your left. If there is a 4" x 4" warning sticker in the lower corner of your driver side window, what I want you to do is first punch yourself in the face, then remove the sticker. It is a warning to YOU, the owner of the car, and you clearly didn't read it. Now, you just look like an idiot.

You Don't Want to Hear It

I haven't been posting a lot lately because my peeves would be a litany of pregnancy symptoms that are so boring I don't even want to type them. I don't know what everyone else's excuses are. Oh, I do know Joanne's; she's on vacation in Ireland.

Drama Mama

This first-time mom at daycare is over-the-top protective of her baby. She was PISSED that Kenna was allowed at daycare with a cough (no fever). She was even more pissed when her baby got bronchitis, the next day. Clearly, they were both exposed to the germs at the same time and he didn't get it from Kenna. Nothing has a one-day incubation period. Kids get sick and this particular in-home daycare is not a hotbed of germs.

Anyway, not wanting your kid to get sick is not over-protective, but there is a whole list of boring things that are, which the daycare provider occasionally gossips about to me (shame on her!). Yesterday, I cracked up when I realized this first-time mom puts the baby in a sling to carry him down the driveway to the car. Then she spends at least five minutes getting him perfectly situated into his carseat. In the time it took her to strap him in, I went in, chatted with the daycare provider, walked Kenna out, chased her around the driveway because she wanted to play with the little kite she made instead of getting in the car, strapped her into her carseat, and drove away.

I have only been a first-time mom for about a year longer than that lady and even I think she needs to chill.

Bleeding. A lot.

It's a banner week for me with the healthy and beauty peeves. This morning I almost accidently amputed my right foot with the new Venus five blade razor. It was a close shave, literally. I can't wait for them to develop a twenty blade razor that can be mounted on the shower wall so all you have to do is rub your leg up and down it.

No foot-longs for me!

The smell of freshly-baked bread at Subway makes me wanna hurl.

Second Spa Peeve of the Day

Nikki's peeve about her facial reminded me that I have a gift certificate from a fancy spa that I would like to use for a pregnancy massage, but I feel like I would be wasting it because I can't stick around and enjoy all of the other spa amenities since the hot tub, steam sauna, and dry sauna are all off limits to the pregos. Boo hoo hoo.

Ouch

I had a facial (I know, boohoo for me) and the woman decided to use a mask so crazy my entire face is peeling off. I am not feeling refreshed.

Summoned

My time has come. Jury duty. That is all.

Peeves of Yore - Happy Spring!

Spring began at 7:41 am or something like that this morning.  In related news, it is snowing in Buffalo right this very moment. 

Three years ago, Kate had an issue with Mother Nature.  And again just last year too.

January of '06 saw Joann feeling like a duck.  A duck with moldy shoes.

In September of '06, Michelle gave the finger to the Santa Ana winds.  She really hates wind.  Did you know she does not like wind?

That same month, Blaugra wrote a poem telling another type of wind to eff-off.

JuJuBee once prayed to a special kind of God (the Buffalo school systems) for NO MORE SNOW DAYS.

In November 2007, Hazel said, "Snow, rain, whatever.  Shut it."

How Clean is Your House?

We have a single bathroom in our office shared by 10 women and 1 man.  I have never walked into the bathroom when the faucets weren't splashed up with soap and water, sometimes to the point of disgust.  I also have never left the bathroom without wiping the faucets and sink.  Seriously, how hard is it to do that?  I'm working with a bunch of slobs.

No Excuse for Your Behavior

There is an hour and a half allotted in this all-day meeting for my entire department to present on various product lines. We each agreed to take half an hour. The guy who was up first went into it planning to go over his time, did nothing to try to shorten his presentation and is now two minutes short of taking the entire hour and a half. This has done nothing to change my pre-existing opinion of him: arrogant douche.

2 in 1

1. A coworker and I (who are the only two who report to Boss Lady) do the exact same thing except for different parts of the country.

And by "exact same thing," I mean I do a lot of work and he is TOTALLY INCOMPETENT. I am worried his awfulness will start to rub off on me, if only by association. Not to mention, guess who gets to pick up his slack?

I think he's starting to realize how out of it he is, which is sad, but this just isn't the right role for him.

2. Boss Lady continues to say things to me like, "We need to get him talking more. We need to get him more involved. We need to blah blah blah."

I include him in relevant meetings and emails. I've introduced him to people. I've answered his questions. I AM NOT HIS MANAGER and should not be the one to personally coach him.

And on a serious note, I've offered to take things off his plate, temporarily or permanently. He's refused. I've offered to cover meetings for him. He's refused. Since everyone knows he's incompetent, they circumvent him and go to me, and I make sure he's looped in.

There's really not much more I can - or want to - do.

Peeve Void Today!

I guess I'll look forward to all the post-St.-Patty's-party peeves about jackholes and green beer.

I would have been happier if she threw in a Snuggie.

I recently bought a new mattress and the saleswoman threw in a sheet set "for free."  The sheets are super smooth 600-thread-count.  I was so excited to use them, I'd never had fancy sheets. 

I hate the sheets. They're shiny and slippery and noisy.  I'd much rather sleep in my fuzzy fleece sheets bought on clearance at Target.

Honey, I Spilled!

Why do commercials never show men competently using cleaning products or appliances?  If it's a detergent spot, the man will turn a load of white clothes pink.  If it's a paper towel campaign, men and kids will spill things and then whine like St. Bernard puppies until Mom and her triple-woven helpers come  to the rescue.  I know real men buy and use cleaning products -- I have seen this! -- but never TV men.

For the record, the Sham-Wow guy does NOT count toward the number of positive male cleaning role models.

More microwave mishaps

Only I am stupid and graceless enough to slam my finger in the door of the microwave.

Pale Face

I bought this Rimmel Mousse Blush yesterday and was all excited to use it this morning.  Even Oprah has been excited about its "soft souffle texture."  Sounds delicious, no? 

Opened the jar and the "air light mousse" was as hard as concrete. I couldn't even scrape it out.  Either it's false advertising or the store accidentally baked it under their hot lighting fixtures.  Whatever the reason, now I have to go back to the store and return it, adding another annoying thing to my list of things to do.  And to top it off, I'm not radiantly glowing today dammit!!

Zero Privacy

I'd like to peeve about my husband, but he occasionally reads this blog and he follows me on Twitter and he is my Facebook friend and I can't even peeve anonymously about him because the details would give me away.

Peeves of Yore. The mid-March edition

Oh March, I hate you.  Days of teasing warmth followed by a morning of flurries.  Plus, no vacations planned for a long long time.  You are truly the cruelest month.

One year ago, I worked late and had a bad snacking habit.

Two years ago, Blaugra just couldn't get a date and time without a lot of effort.

Three years ago, JuJuBee hated on....something...?

Four years ago, Kate hated on her stupid annoying boss.

And five long years ago, Michelle made noise as she walked.

Help Me Decide

I can't decide if I dig this guy or detest him.  He's a hot mess.  First he annoyed the shit out of me, then I found him to be kind of charming, but now he's popping up everywhere and it's overkill.  Or maybe it's just that squirrels are nesting on his head.

It's the same, just different

My hair clearly doesn't understand what a recession is because it is not cooperating with the Whole Foods brand of Aveda knockoff shampoo and conditioner.

Devil Spawn

I found out today that one of my good gfs is pregnant with child #2 by her abusive, pot-smoking, can't-hold-a-job-cuz-he's-a-douche, rude, slightly creepy, ex-con husband.

Gee, I hope I get invited to the shower.

Unsubscribe!

Did you know we're in an economic crisis?  Did you know people might be hungry?  Well, thanks to biweekly emails I get from a cause I used to contribute to, I certainly do.  And now, I'm unsubscribing because I'm sick of opening my email box to message subjects like  "Gas or Food, You Decide."  I get that all the charities have tough times due to the economic downturn, but harrassing me twice a week isn't going to net them more money. 

Tangentially related, I hope to goodness Dr. Phil wrote out a big check to that Angels group that is helping out the mother of octuplets after he and Gloria Allred bullied her into accepting the help.  I hate to think how much of their operating budget they are throwing at her. 

Qwestions

Dear Qwest,

1. Why does your trouble ticket system ask me (twice) for the phone number associated to the issue I am having if you are not passing this information or making it available to the support technician who is assigned to resolve my issue?

2. Why did your support technician just close my ticket and tell me to call a completely different department to have my issue resolved when he should have just asked me for the telephone number so that he could fix it? Since the department he sent me to created a new ticket and sent me right back to his department?

3. Why do you people suck ass so badly that it makes me want to hurt somebody?

Stuck being your customer until AT&T offers better pricing,
Nikki

Take It Back?

I didn't realize it at the time, but yesterday I bought the wrong facial lotion at the drug store.  Eh, how different could it be I pondered as I applied some this morning.  I do not like the feeling of it on my face at all.  Is this one of those things I could take back or do I have to suck up the loss of my $10.00?

Worlds Collide!

First she found me on Facebook.  It was okay because she never used it.  Two years later she started using it regularly.  Now she is following me on Twitter.  I'm horrified to consider what's next.  My mother has joined the interwebthingie. 

My Husband's Peeve

I can't stop singing pop songs. 

"All the single ladies! All the single ladies!"

"Just a small town girl, livin in a LONELY worllld"

"Guess I should shut my Playboy mouth, oh oh ohoh"

"When you see my face, hope it gives you hell..."

"Do ya do ya want my love?  I need it!"

He hates this music, and, I have a horrible voice.  It's his personal hell.