Loathe Thy Neighbor

Every fucking morning while I'm squinting at the sunshine and eating peanut butter out of a jar for breakfast and throwing myself together for work, my next door neighbors are perfectly productive.

The little wife tends to her garden every day at 7:30 am, right after she takes a long walk.  The strapping husband starts the home repair projects at 8 am precisely.  They look toward the kitchen window from where I'm staring blankly in their general direction with disdain for my unkempt flower beds and cheap-assed window treatments.  Fuck 'em.

Comments

[MiseryHatesCompany]

High five sister friend.
I love my neighbors (not the ones with the rude dog), but their perfectness makes me sick!

[Piglet]

i'm convinced that maybe people like that should not be alive. if it makes you feel any better, i'd bet real money on the fact that people like that have something HUGE to hide. perfect people are always hiding something.

i'd rather hang out with you any day of the week.

[melissa]

I should have read yours before posting. (Check my title) - just proof we are kindred spirits). Don't these people work?

[melissa]

And also, if husband is strapping and does projects in yard with shirt off, do we really have a problem?

[blaugra]

I swear, Melissa, we must live in the same neighborhood. However, I was lying when I said the man was "strapping." He thinks he is, but he's not.

[One Wink]

I have this neighbor (not entirely related to this post, however, as he Does Nothing and is Not Strapping, but...) I was working in the yard recently and when I stood, I found myself looking at his porch where he was standing, rather proudly, sporting a shirt that commanded "Stop Picturing Me Naked." My first reaction was Eeeewww. My second was wishing I'd worn my "I See Dumb People" shirt that day...