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My husband went on a diet a couple months. He has lost like 20 lbs. He is now within 10 lbs. of my weight, which means that I went on a diet this morning. I have been sort of halfassing it lately while he has been steadily losing weight. Now, IT'S ON. I refuse to have a husband who weighs less than I do.
I'm almost positive this is a re-run peeve, but it keeps happening, therefore I'll keep griping about it.
My work colleague is absent from his office every day at exactly the same times: 10-10:15 AM and 1-2:00 PM. I could set my watch to his schedule.
Invariably, during those times, his sweet little ol' mother calls. She calls at 1:15 PM: "Is Randall there, or is he at lunch?" He's at lunch. "Oh, Randall's taking a late lunch today!" No, he takes lunch at the same time every day. "Well, tell him it's just his old mother calling to check up on him." Yes ma'am. I mean, I can't be bitchy. Even though it's happened every day for the past three years.
When reviewing paperwork for closing on a new mortgage, among the title, search and miscellaneous fees I noticed a $40 fee labeled "Satisfaction Fee." I wonder if it will be a bottle of Bailey's or a vibrator. Can't wait to find out.
Nothing ruins a cute pedicure and flashy little sandals like toe hair.
I got a ad in the mail today from Ulta that had my most favorite make-up, Pur Pressed Minerals on sale BOGO. That's a savings of $24.50! I was stoked since it's never on sale and the weekly $3.50 off coupon never applies to Pur products. The only Ulta store is in the next town which I rarely visit so I made the trek to take advantage of the almost too-good-to-be true sales promotion.
I was so excited that I didn't notice the sale starts on Sunday, which is day three of a five day camping trip. Fat chance they'll have my shade on Wednesday. I am pissed.
Dearest Impatient Guy in the Piece of Shit Car,
If given the opportunity, I will most likely wave you on to make your left turn in front of me if there is a line of traffic behind me. However. If you barrel through the intersection as if you, Mr. Pittsburgh Left, have the right-of-way, I will not give you that courtesy. AND, motherfucker, do not ride my ass as if I was the one that was breaking traffic laws.
Sincerely,
Tired of Pittsburgh Drivers
Hear me now. I will never ever take a night flight from the west coast to the east coast, while sunburned, on a full plane, scrunched next to the window, in the back row near the lavatories. In addition, I will never accidentally double up on my anti-anxiety meds intending to avoid a freakout due to screaming small children in row ahead of me and to help me sleep through the flight. I will never be so deliberately disoriented that I get lost in Newark, NJ at 6 am, ever again.
Dear Peevers,
Have you forgotten the rule about how often you are supposed to post? I haven't had to fire anyone in awhile. I don't really like doing it.
That reminds me. I follow one of you on Twitter and I saw your reply to a disgruntled former employee of the Peevery this morning. Only about half of the fired Peevers have turned disgruntled, and she was one of them. When they fly into a ranting, panty-bunching tirade, railing away about how they have better things to do in their very important lives than submit to the will of an iron-fisted administrator of a stupid blog to which they are suddenly superior, it really validates the firing for me. Also, I find it HILARIOUS.
-Michelle
I was just digging in the front pocket of my backpack looking for the last Aleve Cold & Sinus. I couldn't find it and was worried I would have to go the day without my cold medicated bliss when I remembered I bought a new pack yesterday and actually had the foresight to throw it in the main pocket of my backpack. Yay!
I am not sure who at Subway approved the line "foot-long yum rocket" but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person whose mind automatically went to a very bad place. And now I can't get it out of my head.
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