The Peevery

Peeves of Yore: Belated Edition

Ok, I confess I forgot to do this on Friday.  I had a bunch of stuff going on.  I'm a freewheeling single gal with a life.  Sue me.

One Year Ago: Jen14221 had both a zit and a 20 year high school reunion. Isn't that the way life works?   Michael downgraded a Porsche owner's cool points.  Michelle STILL had magic panties.

Two Years Ago: I was dumb and cut myself with my own thumbnail.  The Unknown Peever was looking for a new job again.  I think the UP spends a lot of time doing that.

Three Years Ago: The Unknown Peever had a red letter week.  Firstly she violated Poop Etiquette. Then she planned on quitting her job, but not before pointing out how much of a timewaster her status reports are.  (The UP may not necessarily be a female, but statistically given that at any time the Peevers are like 80% female, the odds are good the UP is usually a girl.  Although I think the job quitting one might have been a boy.)

Four Years Ago: Nikki hated slow talkers.  Michelle actually had a kind heart.  Who knew?

Five Years Ago: There were still only two peeves the whole month of July.  How is that possible?

Literally*

How many people that regularly say, "It's a Catch-22!" have actually read the novel?   

(*yes, I'm just taunting Jo with this title.)

Let Me Count the Ways

I don't know which is worse...the fact that your are illegally gabbing on your cell phone, that you just tossed a cigarette butt out the window, or that your truck is oversized clearly for no reason. Oh screw it, I just hate you.

The Beetles

A large multicolored beetle was buzzing around the inside of my car while I was driving.  Panic ensued.

Is it that hard?

So I was given the shitty 'noon-to-four' wait time today for the crappy HVAC guys. It is now 3:59 and they have yet to show. I did call, and yes, they're still on their way.

I get that sometimes things crop up unexpectedly, and blah blah blah, but seriously - it was a FOUR hour freaking window. Is it really that hard to make?

I so shoulda stayed at work; at least there it's air-conditioned.

Taking Things For Granted

I am sitting here literally melting in my 82 degree house, waiting for the A/C people to come give me blessed coolth. I am beyond tired because, hi, it's hard to sleep when your whole body is sweating profusely.

At this point, the repair folks could literally tell me the charge is an arm and a leg and I would offer them double. (Jo, did I use it correctly?)

Heat Wave

I know it's July and all, but I really just cannot handle this heat today.  Suck it, Global Warming.

Starting Off On the Wrong Foot

My new boss starts on Monday.  Today he calls me and firstly he calls me JoannA and secondly he asks if I've mailed the packet of new hire paperwork he requested yet.  Uh, no.  What paperwork?  Apparently he requested we send him a packet about two weeks ago.  So glad whoever he requested it from bothered to tell us. 

Shedding

How do I manage to get a piece of my hair trapped under the tape of every package I mail?

Thinking

Maybe I'll go to BlogHer next year.

Ignorance Is Not a Badge of Honor

If you don't understand how you can effectively use Web 2.0 applications and social media as marketing tools to encourage user engagement with your web site and promote your brand, maybe you shouldn't be in this business. Mocking said applications and networks to another professional does not inspire confidence in your abilities.

(Please note that this does not apply to The Peevery because I don't give a shit about user engagement or promoting my brand. I only care about promoting my ASS in your FACE.)

(Please note that I don't even care about promoting my ass in your face but that I was momentarily inhabited by the spirit of a nine-year-old boy who made type that, you RETARD BUTTLICKER.)

(Please note that I am now going to bed as I appear to have completely lost my shit.)

Smart Casual?

Can someone define Smart Casual for me in terms I can understand?   I read Wikipedia's definition and I'm still not sure.  I'm wearing linen gaucho pants (I think that's what they are when they are capri length but loose) and a pink button down short sleeved top.  Does this count?  When I share that I'm wearing my black Bite shoes (2nd pair in the post), does that make it less smart casual?  Help!

Murphy's Law

Remember last week when I posted that I lost an entire bottle of my prescription medicine?  After searching for it I still couldn't find it and since I'm starting to break out in the little bumps the medicine prevents I bit the bullet and emailed my medical provider's office about how to replace the pills.  Not thirty minutes later, I found the damn bottle accidentally.  How does that happen?

Use It Correctly!

I literally will kill the next person who literally uses "literally" incorrectly in a sentence.  When did it become the go-to word?

How do I get there?

I just came back from camping where there were signs everywhere.  All of the signs were forbidding you from doing something.  Yet there was not one sign anywhere telling me how to get down to the beach to go swimming.  Thanks, Camp Cushman, so much for your help.

Say What?

If you are going to leave a frickin' long winded message and wait until the end to give your phone number, either say it clearly or say it twice. I don't want to have to listen to the whole goddam thing again to figure out what the number is.

Recipe For Disaster

Ingredients:
2 web servers
1 Car bound for Vegas
1 Chief Technology Officer
1 Head of Programming and Development
1 Lead Designer
1 Pushy, Obnoxious Client
A dash of me

Preheat to about 500, knowing major project is going live on Monday for Client. At noon, move all contents of one server to the server that is going live for 20 minutes. Do not wait to cool down.

Start Car and pour in CTO, Development Head, and Project Lead Designer into seats. Press gas and point in direction of Las Vegas. Make sure CEO is out of town (this is optional, but recommended).

Wait about two hours until car is far enough baked through Barstow and allow server to get fucked up. Add a dash of Me and watch me blow!

Peeves of Yore: Rumor Edition

One Year Ago: Melissa joined Bob Villa in doing home repair and improvement projects.  Jujubee lost her patriotism.

Two Years Ago: Michelle heard from a soldier who heard from an angel who heard it from GWB who received an email from a neighbor that said that a rapist was targeting men who were with women who were over 4'10" tall who liked to shop at the Super Target in Van Nuys and that he was using ether in his perfume samples to knock you out. You had better forward that information on.  We also heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another the Peevery was holding auditions.

Three Years Ago: I was told I was important, but I really wasn't. 

Four Years Ago:  We were in another presidential race and the Peevery was on the forefront of political discussion... wondering why Elizabeth Edwards is ugly.

Five Years Ago:  Michelle loved Television Without Pity, but sadly they failed her.

Open Peeve Friday

We have one lonely little peeve this week from MiseryHatesCompany.

If you are going to take the time to call my office to get a phone number for whatever agency you need to talk to, have a pen - pencil - some type of writing utensil at the ready! 

Or when you say you need a minute to find something to write on or complain that you can't write something down while talking on the phone and driving I may actually laugh out loud.

Where's Gordon Ramsay When You Need Him?

I never thought that this complaint would come out of my mouth...my CEO is too nice. We have too many laid back, unprofessional people in decision making roles and there are no repercussions for their actions or lack thereof. Show up with a hangover? Let's joke about it. Miss a delivery date? That's okay as long as the client is informed. Finding out data hasn't been backed up after a server blows up? I'll get mad at you now, but it'll be over in a couple of minutes. If you want to be the good cop, you need to bring in a bad cop. Pronto!